My attempt at being 1% political!

So have you all be reading More Than a Minivan Mom?(http://www.morethanaminivanmom.com/)? On her newest blog she is discussing the feud that broke out on the View yesterday in regard to the "N" word. Unlike "Minivan Mom", I am NOT an English teacher or someone very political so this kind of stuff usually breezes over me, but I figured I would comment a little.

I saw all views (::hitting drum and cymbal" and takes bow) on this topic personally. I think what Elizabeth was trying to say is that if a white child hears the "n" word from a black child and then says it - how can you teach him/her not to? How can you explain, to a child, that it is okay for his "black" friend to say it and not for him/her? Most people out there know that this word is highly offensive to some people. Personally you can say any word around me and I will take it in the context it was being used. If you call me a "dyke" in a playful/fun way, I won't take offense to it. If you are a teenage boy and call me a "dyke" in a mean/hateful way in, say, the mall - I cringe and want to kick your ass. I have never been comfortable saying the "n" word but I have heard people, both white and black, use it in a silly/humorous way. All people have meant no harm. They were just being silly. Like Whoopi said, the black people have taken the word back and given it "new meaning" when "they" say it. I don't know Whoopi. I just don't feel the "n" word is t a NICE word. Sure black people can say it to each other, just like I can call another lesbian friend a "dyke" and have it be okay, since we are BOTH gay. It's "kinda" the same, although even with the oppression us "white" gays face on a daily basis - our ancestry, as a whole, was not held as slaves - so there IS a difference. Sigh. I don't know. This stuff makes my head hurt but my heart respond.

I sorta feel this way......

You know when you go to a Gay Pride Parade and there are tons of (practically) naked gay men strutting around, throwing condoms and making lewd comments? Or stone-butch type "dykes on bikes" that look like they crush men and use them as "sprinkles" on ice-cream? To me that is feeding into the stereotype most people have of gay men and lesbians. SURE, maybe this is GENUINELY how they feel like dressing/acting - but I don't think it is a fair representation of the "average" gay man and lesbian. I don't own leather chaps, drive a motorcycle or hate men. The gay guys I know don't walk around naked, have promiscuous sex and wear condoms around their neck. I think it is our responsibility, as gay men and lesbians, to represent ourselves in a more "respectable" light. My partner and I are no different than most straight woman and their husbands (although Mel and I don't take gender roles -- I am not her "big daddy"...dear Lord).

Mel & I "fairly" representing the Gay & Lesbian Community...Um?

Which is which?

The same with the black community. If you walk around, using the "n" word as SLANG and something derogatory (listen to most of today's rap songs) -- you are going to paint the WRONG image of yourselves and make the word remain a negative. If you DID use it in a good/fun way - well, that is different. But when you listen to a song that says "shoot that fucking "n" and watch him die" - err, that isn't the GOOD SENSE....make sense? :) I DO get it though. I get Whoopi's point - more so than Elizabeth's - especially since I identify as a lesbian. I just think we all need to lighten up and stop taking things out of context. Listen to HOW a word is being said and by WHOM - and then, if you must, judge. Context is of PRIME importance. I laugh at politically incorrect shit all the time. I find it hilarious quite honestly. But if someone changes their "tune" and says it in a truly mean, derogatory way, well, I am just not down with that.

Can't we all just get along??

On a side note, and more important in my world....

I am getting another fucking, seagull shit, fuck face zit on the OTHER side of my chin. THE SAME TYPE BLEMISH -- ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY FUCKING, GENDER QUEER, HORMONAL FUCKED, FUTCH-ASS FACE. Sigh. WHAT THE FUCK???? I would rather have an entire face of acne then that random (or in my case, NOT so random) HUGE ASS, STOP TRAFFIC ZIT. I have issues with this. Real issues. I am trying not to spaz out, but I am. I am spazzing. Keep that Zeno fucking piece of fucker away from me. Fuck. I am not happy at the moment. I have another job interview on Tuesday so for the love of all zit God's out there --- fucking shine some fucking love on my fucking face, please?
And breath....

With that said. I should stop for now. I need paxil.

Peace,

Desiree

I speak the truth!

How to make someone's day

I received this email from Elizabeth (mamma # 2) this morning:


hey desi-lou,

iwas talking to chris tonight and he asked me if i could do him a favor....i know you are really busy but he asked me ask you if you could make him a new cd with anything new you might have. He said he listens to your cd all the time it relaxes him and likes listening to your voice. So maybe you can make 2 cd's one for him and one for us!!? Hope you had a good night!!!

Love ya,
elizabeth


Now that feels good! :-) Thanks Christopher - I so needed that.

Peace,

Des

Will she or won't she?

I am happy to say the Zeno rage has simmered a little. I am getting ready to venture out into the world for a bit. I think.

Do I sound strange?

Well, I am.

To be continued....

Peace,

Des

BEWARE: Fucking bad language ahead

Let me start this blog by saying what fucking seagull fuck-face, fuck is shitting on my head???

I burnt myself with Zeno (http://www.myzeno.com/). I fucking burnt myself with this zit zapping mother fucking, fuck face of a device.


Sure, I didn't follow the directions but what the fuck? So you try to get rid of a 32 year old's fucking zit (which in itself is crazy) by melting the poor fucker's face?

I was in my daze with this fucking device so much so that I kept doing it thinking it would magically make my blemish dissapear. Not so. When I looked in the mirror I freaked out!

I am not happy at the moment. In fact I feel like screaming, crying and shitting. Maybe a combination of all three. I feel like a crazed fucking squirrel.




Allow me to explain....

I am writing this blog as my A/C apparently thaws out. It is NOT producing cold air at all and when I touch it, it feels frozen. Yeah. Fucking, fuck crap fucks of the world.

I have the shits this morning like I ate a truck load of fucking splendor and sunrise/sunshine what ever the fuck the name is, chips. You know what I'm talking about.

My stomach currently hurts like, oh I don't know, let me use the word - FUCK.

And did I mention I BURNT MY FUCKING FACE WITH FUCKING ZENO?

B.U.R.N.T. my face.

This is return caused Mel and I to miss an Indigo Girls concert at The Newport Yachting Center, 5th row, yesterday night and dinner reservations at The Newport Blues Club. If ever I longed to see a fucking Mullet.


Fucking mother fucking seagull fuck face.

And if one mother fucking seasgull fuck face says I shouldn't let a "fucking burn" stop me from doing something I am going to send a rabid squirrel to fucking shit on their fucking ass.

Sigh.

I feel like I am having the worst IBS attack in ages. Could it fucking be the fucking brownies I had that my mother, bless her fucking soul, made with GOD KNOWS what health crap???? Mayonnaise doesn't sound so fucking healthy to me. Apple sauce? God knows what the fuck I ate.

OH, and then I had broccoli, asparagus, squash, cheese and olive oil yesterday.

Just shoot me in the fucking face right now. Please. For real. Or at least the fucking ass.

My head is throbbing. My ass is throbbing. My stomach is throbbing. My shoulders hurt. My neck is stiff. My soda is flat. My A/C isn't working --- OH AND I HAVE A FUCKIN EXPLODED/ 1/2 ass healing, burnt by fucking zino mark on my chin.

I have a job interview Wednesday for a possible $50,000 a year job. Who is the sick fuck doing this to me now (I just felt nauseous - I may have to run to the bathroom and shit some more...).

Did I also mention I think I am a "gender queer" (I didn't make that name up that is the real name). I saw some show the other day about some fucking girl who likes to dress as a boy and identifies as a fucking gay boy but obviously likes girls. Yeah. She likes to strap in her boobies at times but doesn't want to "be" a guy. She doesn't really identify with being a "girl" or a "boy" and she doesn't want to go to the gynecologist. That's me. Fuck you all. Fuckers.

Anyway, Mel is lovingly making me rice in the kitchen -- maybe as a going away gift because she knows I am "this" close to being put away somewhere with padded walls.

I don't know. I will end for now and write more in a bit.

Fuck you Zeno.

Fuck Peace,

Desiree

Is That My Phone Ringing, Please?

Well, I haven't heard back from Michelle at Davis Company yet! Ugh. April said when she was on the phone with Michelle, she was asked about my attendance. Of course April gave me a rave review. Truth of the matter is I am a HARD, HARD worker. I get the job done. I am a fast learner and would be great for this position. I couldn't help it if I would get sick before but that stage has passed, well, at least for now. I would give anything to get this job. To finally get a "fair" pay for the work I feel I do. The skills I have.

I also wish I woke up in a cheerful/happy mood but alas I have that "pit unsettled" feeling. Trust me, I am not a "Debbie Downer", not even close people, I've just been sad lately. You know it is bad when you go to bed semi-crying and wake up crying. Wow. Let's face it - a lot in my life is just, well, unsettled.

I can't believe I haven't been down by the ocean yet. I live in the friggin ocean state for the love of all things suntanned and oily! I live roughly 25-30 minutes from some gorgeous beaches and I haven't been!? I use to love reading a good book in Jamestown. We'd have lunch at Trici's Tropigrille (the closest thing we have to a Key West type restaurant) and then sit down by Beaver Point State Park, watch the waves crash, smell the salt air and read. Sure, I could do this on my own, but I prefer to be with someone else. It was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon. It felt like a mini-vacation.

I also vow to go to Martha's Vineyard and Block Island this summer/early fall. As long as I make it there before October 1st, I will be happy. Block Island's water looks, dear I say, like Florida with it's turquoise/emerald glow (in sections anyway). Same with Martha's Vineyard. I haven't been to these islands in over 10 years!!! Martha's Vineyard seems like one huge island of FUN! Tons of shops, restaurants, cafes and --- gorgeous beaches. What is wrong with me? LOL! I should be there now.

Anyway, today I am going to:

• Finally find out the steps I need to take to start Out & About Travel's Gay Group Cruises
• Buy a book on how to write a real business plan
• Make sure I am listed on every (free) gay search engine
• And pray, pray, pray for my life to get better or at least for strength to get me through this rough patch.

I am sure I will have more rambles, but this is it for now.

Peace,

Des

Today

Today's quest is to find true, sincere, genuine, happiness again. I know the answers are deep inside and they are starting to service. Winds of change are in the air. Thank God.

Peace,

Des

Random Thought

Random Thought:

To be kind is to be love.

I am hoping to be showered with kindness. It is the fuel I need to make my moter run. Corny but true.

Back to work!

Peace,

Des

Random Thoughts

Ah, what is it about the sweat, nausea, muscle aches and fast beating heart that makes a good work-out feel good? I mean generally if you feel this way it means you have the flu. But yeah, it feels good. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill alternating between walking and running (at one point I was running at 3.4 mph which is amazing for myself). I also did some push-ups, sit-ups and weights. I am determined to lose these last 20'ish pounds and get the "rocking" / gay boy type body I've always wanted. With boobs no less, but it's attainable. Even if I have that type body for a year...lol...because I am 99.9% sure my "set weight" is a size 12/14 and I am truly okay with that. I am a solid 12 now and l truly enjoy eating - not obsessively but I like to go out an eat and (look of surprise) cook. I do watch what I eat. I am as healthy as I could be with my IBS -- so I shouldn't complain, but I owe it to myself to get the type body I always envisioned having and being so close it would be a shame not to.

Although all you people in "blog land" let me just say, for the record, I much prefer a shapely body with "meat" to skin and bones. This is something I have been passionate about since a child. You shouldn't judge your self worth by your waist. Some people like more solid/full figured women and others like skinny / athletic women. I always notice a person's inside first. I could give two shits about what their outer appearance looks like and the older I get the more this is true. You could have a beautiful face and "slamming body" in societies eyes but be the biggest asshole that walks this earth and all that would = ZERO in my book. On the flip-side you could be a very large person with a personality that makes you the most beautiful person in the world. I am not saying that if you are a very big person you have to go by "personality only" -- no way. Not to me. I always thought women were attractive in all shapes and sizes. My ex was a size 26/28 (she is now a 16/18) and my current partner, Melanie, is a size 6. I think that says it all.

Weight means nothing to me as far as attraction goes. So why do I want a gay boyish type body? Hmm. Because I am a tomboy and that is how I envision myself. I don't want to be transgendered, I like being a girl, it's just I identify more with a tomboyish look and to get the exact "style" I see in my mind I need to be slightly skinnier. If I never reach this goal, I don't care - but I am in the mood to try! :-) I am sick at looking of pictures of myself, from the side, and feeling I look too cheeky or "breasty". It doesn't match up with that tomboyish image I have of myself. You know what I mean?

Speaking of Tomboyish.....

I made this list of what a "Girly Tomboy" is a couple of years ago. Allow me to share it with you all.

What is a GIRLY TomBOY? (copywrite: desiree sousa 2006)

-A GIRLY TomBOY is a girl that has long enough hair so that it still has a "feminine" style to it.

-A GIRLY TomBOY walks into J.Crew, Banana Republic or Guess and "ooh's & aahs" over the pink guy shirts, guy shirts with flowers and girly (yet male) jewelry. Think gay boy fashion.

-A GIRLY TomBOY love jeans. She must have jeans. Not just any -- the latest, most expensive, in-style jeans.

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves clunky shoes. The clunkier...the funkier!

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves converse sneakers -- in every color.

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves big, bulky "boyfriend" type sweaters she can lend her "girlfriend".

-A GIRLY TomBOY is VERY fashion conscious.

-A GIRLY TomBOY gets "shy" going into Victoria Secrets - but "secretly" loves it (for one reason or another).

-A GIRLY TomBOY gets "shy" going into places like Bath & Body Works -- but secretly loves it.

-A GIRLY TomBOY may (or may not) wear some sort of makeup. Cover-up? Blush? Lip Balm - but NEVER - EVER lip stick. Think drag.

-A GIRLY TomBOY likes mens cologne - only if it has a femine twinge to it (i.e. Polo "Blue")

-A GIRLY TomBOY can still "gush" over how cute guys are (usually ones they admire). If a girly tomboy is on the more "girly" side she can actually develop a crush on a guy. A very real crush - only to find out it is admiration. Kinda like a straight girl having a crush on one of her friends.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is afraid of bugs -- so much so they scream like sissy's whenever they see one (and wake their partner up at 3am to kill it...a' hem).

-A GIRLY TomBOY is afraid of bees -- so much so they run like sissy's and make up vulgar words that don't even exist.

-A GIRLY TomBOY does not know how to fix a car. At all.

-A GIRLY TomBOY will puff out her feathers (i.e. chest) if one of her family members or friends are being hurt by someone. This is when their FULL EXTENT of tomboy will service and they will do anything to protect the person even though inside, they may be scared as hell!!

-A GIRLY TomBOY seems to always fall for straight girls (at one point or another).

-A GIRLY TomBOY is attracted to feminine girls - only.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has the tendency to confuse her straight friends and make them question their bi-curious state of mind.

-A GIRLY TomBOY can resemble many of her straight girlfriend's boyfriends. Usually the hair. It always comes back to the hair people.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has a girly voice. Usually soft. No gruffness.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has no shame watching a sappy, romantic movie.... but prefers a silly horror movie or comedy.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is not afraid to cry or express emotions.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is not afraid to make a complete goof out of themselves.

-A GIRLY TomBOY confuses the straight guys. A lot.

-A GIRLY TomBOY does not wear "wife-beaters", shorts past the knees, white socks with sneakers (gym is the only exception), lots of "bling" and rub their chin a lot.

-A GIRLY TomBOY make great partners because they are into "girly" things, yet have a tomBOYish style and soft (yet not too soft) feminine attitude and like to be more of the aggressor in the relationship.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has low tolerance for extremes (i.e. men-hating or women-hating people).

How do I know all this? Hmm....trust me! ;-)

That is kinda funny to read at this point. It's SO TRUE.

I am happy to report that, as a girly tomboy, I have hit the jackpot with my partner Melanie. See, Melanie is the most feminine woman on earth, however she has a cute tomboyish side as well. I love it. And a bonus? She is NOT, I repeat, NOT bisexual. She is a 100% femmo lesbo.

My Melanie, the Femmo Lesbo - woah.

Anywho,
This was just a random blog - but back to work I go!

I am leaving you with an adorable video I found that some kid made for the song "Wrong Directions" by Billy Currington. For some reason this reminds me of the whole tomboy and femme thing. I got a kick out of it - very cute.




Peace,

Des

Ode to Blogs!

Okay so I figured I would keep this entry pretty light hearted today (even though I am feeling heavy hearted right now). I don't really feel like writing about anything too serious so I am just going to list some of my favorite blogs! :-)

I was never really into the whole blog thing until I started reading "More Than A Minivan Mom" (http://www.morethanaminivanmom.com/). This woman, Tracey Robinson, is, well, brilliant. I am not just saying that because she is originally from Rhode Island and has that "Rhode Island quirky sense of humor", no, I am saying that because she is a fantastic writer that sucks you into her world. Very much like my beloved Johnny Jet (http://www.johnnyjet.com/). I am so hooked on her blog. To summarize what I know thus far, Tracey (34) is apparently married to a "saint" named Richard (same age?). They met in college, fell in love and soon had 3 (beautiful) children all before she turned 30. A few years ago they packed up their lives and headed for a new start in Austin, Texas. He works at a law firm and she is a teacher (or counselor)? Tracey is pretty open about her "quest for happiness" and the fact that she isn't usually a "very happy person." She's not depressed, just not one of those "happy, happy, joy, joy" type people, which makes her very funny to someone like me! :-) She writes about her feelings with a perfect touch of humor. She is liberal and living in Texas which is also funny. Anyway, I recommend starting at the beginning of her blog and skimming through to recent posts. It'll give you more of a background. Her blog makes me happy and I look forward to it every day, so Tracey Robinson, if you ever happen upon my (I'm not worthy) little blog, I say to you, in the best Rhode Island accent possible, "That is friggin, wicked cool!" :-)

Some other great blogs are as follows:

• Notes From the Road Travelouge: http://www.notesfromtheroad.com/

• Mom Says I'm Running Away: http://www.momsaysimrunningaway.com/blog/2006/01

• Everything - Everywhere Travel Blog: http://everything-everywhere.com/

• 50 States Travel Blog: http://www.fiftystatestravel.com/search?updated-min=2007-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=13

• Vegabond Journey Travelouge: http://www.vagabondjourney.com/travelogue/ (always remember to start at the beginning to get the writer's history)

• Hobo Traveler: http://www.hobotraveler.com/

• Travel Junkie: http://ww.travel-junkie.com/
  
  This is just a sample. More will follow.
  
  

What makes a great blog? To me it is HONESTY. Being REAL. Having NO SHAME. Writing with HUMOR. Allowing people "into your home". If you leave a blog feeling like you want MORE - that is a good sign! :-) It is even better when, over time, you feel like the writer is your friend. That is how I feel about Johnny Jet and now, More Than a Minivan Mom.

Today I leave you with a lecture by a normal, every day type guy named "Matt" (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/). He talks about the joy of TRAVEL and what it can do for your soul. Really listen to what this guy has to say. I wish I was giving this speech.









Peace,

Des

Freakishly Accurate Tarot Card Reading!

I prefer to post happy blogs so I hope it is a long time before I post another sad one, but I did promise to be completely honest so I will continue to write the truth.

Today I want to "tawk" about the freaky ass tarot card reading Mel gave me Saturday night. Listen, I know a lot of people think these things are stupid and for people into Dungeons and Dragons, video games and piercing's, BUT, I swear to you, every time I have a card reading it is extremely accurate (except for the one where the guy in New Hope, PA told me I would come into "abundant money" --- errrr--- still waiiiiiiiiiiiiting Mr. Tarot guy)? Hey mamas, want to go to MGM in CT with me? :-)

Okay, so I was curious to what these cards would say. I don't remember the entire reading but I do know several cards talked about "getting what I deserve". One such card, my "NEAR FUTURE" card, the Six of Pentacles, known as the "generosity" card read as follows:

Key Words and Phrases: (direct from book): Helping others. An act of charity. Repayment of debts. Return of investments. Gratitude. Material gain. Sound money management. Giving your talents time, or money. Loans. Grants. Prizes. Bonuses. Shared wealth. Charity. Gifts. Appreciation. Financial assistance. Extra money. Receiving money owed. Your work pays off. Equitable distribution of assets. Fair financial dealings. Enjoying the fruits of your labor. Profits. Teaching your skills to others. Mentoring. Helping others. Shared prosperity. A business opportunity. A promotion. A bonus.

Situation and Advice: The six of pentacles suggests a gift, the receipt or loan of money, or the chance to participate in a business opportunity. Someone owing you money is likely to pay up now. You will be dealt with fairly. Financial assistance is in the near future, and you will receive what is rightfully yours. You may also be in a position to offer monetary assistance or training to others. A friend may ask you for a loan. You may help someone find a job or improve their career status. Perhaps you are starting to save for your children's education or for your own future goals. You may be able to assist someone in the development of their talents. You might be in line for a promotion or financial reward. This is a time for generosity, sound investing, and sharing your wealth. You delight in being of assistance to others. A little extra money is on the way. Ask and you shall receive.

People: A mentor. A buyer. A philanthropist. An almsgiver. A wise investor. One who loans money. Someone who saves for a rainy day. A benefactor. Someone who renders service. A charity.

:-)

Bring it on, I say.

But then it gets REALLY FREAKY and you all know I'm not making this up because of my previous blogs. But the card that came up for my CURRENT situation is the Nine of Swords, the Nightmare card.

If EVER a card described what I have been going through and feeling deep inside, THIS card does. THIS card sums up what I have been trying to explain to people.

Meaning: Despair

Key Words & Phrases: Sad, sleepless nights. Worry. Extreme stress. Upsetting premonitions. Threats, Guilt. Torment. Anxiety. Pain. Anguish. Depression. Feeling useless or overwhelmed. Demoralization. Brooding. Lack of confidence. Doom and gloom. Mental agony. Misery. Cruelty. Spite. Slander. Sorrow. Hopelessness. Unhappiness. Crying spells. Accusations. Self-loathing. a guilty conscience. Illness. Surgery. Unfouned fears. A women in pain. Female health problems. Possibility of a death. Nobody loves me. It's all my fault. I'm no good.

(Look, the girl even has short hair...woah!)

Situation and Advice: The nine of swords is the nightmare card. It shows a woman sitting in bed sleepless, holding her head in despair. Your sleep may in fact be disturbed as you struggle with some vexing matter. Someone's spiteful behavior may be causing you pain. You may be plagued by fear, guilt, doubt, and worries that are to a large extent unfounded. You are overly sensitive to criticism and the slights of other people. The difficulties you imagine may not appear so bleak when they see the light of day. Chances are you are dealing with a problematic situation or a difficult decision, but your worst fear is unlikely to materialize. The suffering you feel is the aftermath of previous difficult circumstances. Sometimes this card can literally mean that a woman around you is suffering mentally or physically and may need your assistance.

People: A worried or anxious person. An insomniac. Someone who is ill or facing surgery.

Errr...FREEEEEEEAKY SHIT. Sigh. Wow. According to this card I really should be an alcoholic. Too bad I hate liquor.

Okay and everyone LOVES a happy ending right? Well, here is what my FUTURE card, the Page of Swords, read.

Meaning: Quick thinking

Key Words & Phrases: Strong will. Keen intellect. Penetrating insight. Exciting changes. Forceful or blunt communication. Curiosity. Mental stimulation. Travel. Significant information. Logic. Fairness. Resoluteness. Deception. Circumspection. Constructive criticism. Spying. Diplomacy. Good business sense. Dexterity. Agility. Adaptability. Ability to deal with delicate matters. Defensiveness. Delayed plans. A phone call. A message. An important document. A contract or agreement. A legal summons. Professional advice. The beginnings of abstract thought. News and conflict, illness, or strife. Upsetting news. A message heralding change. Say it like it is. Call a spade a spade. He who hesitates is lost.

Situation and Advice: In its positive aspect, you may find yourself in a situation where discretion, quick analysis, and decisiveness are of the essence. Your dispassionate rationality may save the day. You may need to call on a professional advisor for important information to assist you in making a decision. Weigh matters carefully before signing any contracts or agreement. Know what you are committing yourself to and what the future ramifications of your current decisions are. The danger is that you may have too many irons in the fire and may leave important initiatives unfinished.

In its negative aspect, you may find yourself in a situation where gossip or rumors play a significant role. Someone may be spreading malicious stories about you, or you may find yourself the object of blunt verbal assault. The behavior of a young person may upset you. Upsetting news may be on the way. Your plans may be delayed. Your may not fully understand the implications of a contract you are about to sign. A young person may cause you aggravation and strife. Someone whom you thought was a friend may not turn out to be so.

People: A spy. A precocious youth. a clever child. Someone who is bright and energetic. A negotiator. A mediator. One who is able to resolve disputes rationally and dispassionately. A defensive person. One who is mentally quick and subtle. One who is furtive, calculating, and unconcerned about the feelings of others. A diplomatic youth. A professional advisor. Those who are both mentally and physically dexterous. Communicators. Scientists. Mathematicians. Linguists. Travelers. Aviators.

Hmm? Um? Okay. Not too sure what to make of my future card!? Not exactly the BEST card to get. Makes me scratch my head and ponder. Very interesting. I will be keeping a close eye on the days ahead to see how accurate this reading was.

The strange thing is when Mel did her own cards the reading was "dead on" too. Pretty amazing if you ask me. For example, if I got some of the cards she did -- it would've made NO sense and vice versa. Spoooooooooky.

My take on this? I would have to say if ever I got a reading I personally felt was MOST accurate, it would be this one. This reading truly reflected my current situation. I can't believe I got that despair card. That is truly how I have been feeling. But I'll tell you this....If my financial situation changes and I surround myself with nice, respectful, caring, loving people -- I am SURE I will be uncovering my face and resting peaceful again! ;-)

Stay Tuned...

Peace,

Des

Happy 4th of July!

HAPPY

Yaay! So it is the 4th of July. My favorite holiday and it is gloomy out! :( Sniff. It is that thick, grey cloud coverage and on/off drizzle or light rain with extremely muggy/humid conditions. Ugh. It is so sad when the weather sucks on the 4th of July....lets be honest, right? Right! Everyone was hoping to see fireworks and have cookouts --- it is definitely an outdoor holiday.

But that won't stop Mel and I from going to Newport! There is still hope the fireworks show will happen. We'll go for a nice dinner and enjoy the atmosphere.

Tomorrow there are fireworks everywhere also -- so we'll get to see a show for sure tomorrow and Sunday we are having another BBQ, which will be lots of fun.

I am having grilling withdrawl!!!!! I have tons of meat - what the heck. I need to grill it. Does anyone have any good grilling recipes? If so please email me at travlgrrl@aol.com or leave a comment. I'll grill just about anything...lol.

Anyway, time to put on some Southern Rock and enjoy this holiday!

I hope it's sunny and beautiful where you all are.

Here is an appropriate video for today - '4th of July' by Shooter Jennings! Great song!

Peace,

Des

I was going through my camera and found some pictures from the road trip Mel and I took this May (plus some random others).

New Pic Taken This June


Another new picture from June

Beautiful Melanie, taken in June, I believe.

Melanie in Savannah, GA

Welcome to Nashville, TN

Pigeon Forge, TN

Don't those clouds look like mountains? Reminds me of the John Mayer Song '3x5'!


Beale Street - Memphis, TN (so atmospheric - almost like a movie set)

Beale Street - Memphis, TN

Beale Street-Memphis, TN

Beale Street - Memphis, TN

How funny is this pic? Mel is vegetarian..lol. Beale Street - Memphis. TN


Beale Street - Memphis, TN

Beale Street - Memphis, TN

Beale Street - Memphis, TN

Beale Street - Memphis, TN

Beale Street - Memphis. TN

The perfect ROAD TRIP photo! Mel even dressed for this! Wow! Somewhere in Okalahoma.

Oklahoma City - OK

Oklahoma

Oklahoma

Really, what can I say? Mel is going to love that I put this picture up! LOL!

This video is very fitting. Here is 3X5 by John Mayer. Great Lyrics!!




Peace,

Des

Not much to say but alot to write about

I think I may have a toothache or my wisdom teeth may be coming in. Listen, I don't need any more wisdom....geesh. This may explain the weird headaches and on/off sore throats. I will monitor this closely and ignore it further if necessary. I mean, call the dentist if necessary! ;-)

A' hem....

I don't really have anything specific to talk about right now so let me chat about the wonders of two of my favorite things in life. Ghost Hunters and Johnny Jet.

We'll start with Ghost Hunters. Ghost Hunters has been on Sci-Fi for the past 4 years. It is the most watched cable show on television and for good reason. I am not some Sci-Fi geek but this show is just fascinating! The "ghost hunters" are from my home state, Rhode Island which is a bonus (I love it when they say "friggin", "wicked", "dude" and "awesome"). They are the most laid-back, down-to-earth, nice guys. They could be doing a show about plumbing and I think I'd watch, for real. The two "lead" guys are Jason and Grant. They have been best friends forever and started TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) many years ago (I tried to find the exact date but I am semi-lazy currently...so "fraige" it). You can find out everything about them at http://www.the-atlantic-paranormal-society.com/ and http://www.scifi.com/ghosthunters/.

What do Ghost Hunters do? THEY HUNT FRIGGIN GHOST. For real. This isn't fake. The evidence they catch, whether video or EVP (electric voice phenomenon) makes the hair on this Italian/Portuguese chick's arm stick up. Don't believe me? Check out www.youtube.com and type in Ghost Hunters. Freaking, cool stuff - dude! ;-)

It blows my mind that there are 1/2 hour "celebrity smut" shows on TV and yet the evidence Ghost Hunters catch goes virtually un-mentioned. WTF? Hi, catching an apparition on video or a clear sentence from "a ghost" on audio -- is NEWS to me. Don't we all wonder what happens when we die? OF COURSE WE DO! Apparently some people stick around lost/confused or just wanting to scare the shit out of us. Bastards -- but thanks for the entertainment.

I've seen ghost before. I saw my grandmother the night she passed away, at the foot of my bed. I was 8 years old. She was in her "house dress" and smiled at me. This could've started my IBS (see earlier post) as I remember being scared shitless. The next morning my mother told me my grandmother had passed and I told her I saw her near my bed. A couple of years later it happened again and I kindly asked her to not do that because I was a.) a wimp b.) a BIG wimp. and c.) already stressed with the fucking Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. She has listened, although at times I wish I could see her (or my aunt).

Has anyone else out there had experiences with ghosts? I'd love to hear about it! Did it make you poop? "That would be friggin awesome".

The show is on Wednesday nights at 9:00pm. The season finale is July 9th, I believe and then it'll be back in the fall. The spin-off show, Ghost Hunters International, features several of the "ghost hunters" from the first few seasons, including two of my favorites, Brian and Donna. This show, although NOT as good as the original Ghost Hunters (sorry - Jay & Grant just make it), is still very entertaining and scary. You can find out more here: http://www.scifi.com/ghi/.

Another FAVORITE of mine is Mr. "Johnny Jet" (a.k.a. John Discala). He runs http://www.johnnyjet.com. I have been a fan of his since 1999. If I could be anyone else for a day I would choose him. Johnny travels for his job. He is in a different location each and every week. He comes from a big, loving, Italian family. Has (what seems to be) great brothers and sisters and loving parents. He is outgoing, charming, handsome (yes, lesbians can think this too and I say this in a "I wish Mel & I could get his sperm" type way -- errr-- sorry but its true...lol) and so adventurous (no wonder - he is a Gemini..lol). He use to have a FEAR of flying and now that is all he does. He is a travel journalist / writer (not to mention a pretty great photographer). When I read his weekly newsletter - I get lost. I live vicariously though his travels. He is everything I wish I could be. I am not some "crazed fan" -- just an admirer. It's nice to know there are other "travel addicts" out there making their dreams a reality. I hope to someday be more like Johnny Jet. You should take 1 minute and sign up for his free newsletter. You will feel like one of his "friends". He is so personable and likeable -- trust me. If you have even the slightest interest in travel, you NEED to sign up for this newsletter. He has been pretty much everywhere (Asia, Australia, The Caribbean, Mexico, South Pacific, Africa, Europe etc.,). Oh and if you're gay...hehehe...check out my web site, http://www.gaytravelpros.com. Hey, I have to plug myself too! ;-) OOOOH and I am "straight friendly" thank you very much - I don't just book gay travel...lol.

Anyway, I better get back to work. I rambled long enough!

I leave you today with two videos from my (current) all time favorite movie, 'Into The Wild'.

These are two of the best songs from the movie. Great lyrics. Melodies.



Into The Wild - No Ceiling by Eddie Vedder




Into The Wild - Society by Eddie Vedder


Peace,
Des

Love is.....

A year ago, this week, my partner and I were in Destin, Florida celebrating the 4th of July. Thanks to my mother's (continuous) generosity we were able to take a (much needed) road trip down to one of the most beautiful places on earth - Florida's Emerald Coast, particularly - Destin. I remember Melanie being so mesmerized by the blue/green water and snow-white sand. She couldn't wait to get in that water and I couldn't wait to watch her (I had my monthly visitor..lol). I remember sitting on that beach feeling pure happiness. Being with the woman I love, in a place I love, this opportunity given to us BY the LOVE of my mother. I was happy. I had a new job with Liberty Travel lined up. I felt good about life. Hopeful. Melanie and I had such a good time on this trip. We enjoyed each other's company. We laughed, had fun - it was truly romantic. We were so into each other. You can feel how important each was to the other. This contributed greatly to the happiness I was feeling.

I remember feeling so overwhelmed with wanting to show Melanie everything this area had to offer. We dined at some great beachfront locations. Walked on the beach at night (even though there was a case of "red tide" and we were among a huge ass amount of dead fish - woah), shopped, went to the beach - and fell deeper in love with each other.

I think it is important to keep falling in love with your partner. That should never end. There are all different layers of love. The second you stop "falling in love" with your partner - that is when the relationship should end. Luckily I keep falling in love with Melanie.

Relationships aren't easy. It is a continuous two way street. Each person has to give enough of themselves to the other or the relationship becomes "un-even" and things get messed up. Feelings get hurt and trouble arises.

I am a romantic. I love to provide romance AND receive romance. I am not talking about private yachts and champagne (although if I had the money....lol), I am talking about things as simple as writing a blog confessing your love for the other. Leaving romantic notes. Buying someone a stuffed squirrel. Music mixes. Passionate kisses. Surprises. The little things in life that make the other know, "Hey, I am in love with you."

Melanie likes to kiss my foot. It is a small little peck, but it is done with such love I can just feel it. She also likes to kiss the top of my head and rub my lower back before she leaves for work. It is usually accompanied by an "I love you". Sometimes she will pounce on me and hug me for dear life. Sometimes she will "purr" as only Melanie can.

I like to hold Melanie tight. I like to snuggle and push her hair from her forehead and kiss it. I like to rub her back and arms and wrap my legs around her. I like telling her I love her and "be safe" a million times because I would die if anything happened to her. I like seeing Melanie relax and laugh. I feel a deep sense of satisfaction when I know I provided that for her.

Melanie and I have this chemistry that goes beyond explanation. It is a gift and I treasure it, as I am sure she does.

We can't take the other for granted. We can't lose sight of how lucky we are to have someone who loves us "the way we love them". It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day of life and forget the things that matter most. To me it is love and human interaction. When these two things aren't up to their "top levels" I am thrown off. I like joking with Melanie by telling her she has "spoiled me for life" with her affection. I need that type affection now like food and water. It's as simple as that.

Every relationship has ups and downs and sometimes more downs than ups -- but a healthy relationship should have a constant flow of these simple ingredients:

• Respect
• Kindness
• Appreciation
• Affection
• Togetherness
• Romance

We all go to school for our degree in "something" - but how many of us "master our relationships"? I joke about this, but there is something to be said about the person that TRULY "gets" their partner. That graduates TOP OF THE CLASS in Desiree 101 or Melanie 101. Plus, it's fun to be "teacher's pet" with each other! :)
Some things I would teach in "relationship class" are:

1. Always put your partner first

2. Always make time for your partner in a genuine manor

3. Always respect your partner above all others. If your partner is calling you and you are on the other line, put THAT person on hold to see what your partner wants. If you are in the middle of a conversation with a friend/co-worker, interrupt that person to call your partner and inform them you will be late. Your partner and his/her feelings should matter above all others.

4. Make time to have fun, laugh, talk, be silly and appreciate the other each day.

5. Truly talk and listen to the other.

6. Never make the other person feel like a chore or something you have to squeeze in.

7. Never talk about "sacrifices" you had to make for the other. Love isn't about sacrifice - it is about love. You don't think - you just do.

8. Never call each other negative names/terms. This is a horrible cycle to get caught up in and it never ends up good.

9. Each person knows their partner's "below the belt" areas - NEVER GO THERE. That is the ultimate disrespect.

10. Never try to change your partner or anyone for that matter.

11. Never take the other for granted. Love is a gift and it can be taken away.

12. Make time for romance. Serious romance.

13. Make time for romance. Silly romance.

14. Be each other's best friend. Learn everything about the other.

15. Realize the two of you have differences and accept that.

16. Never compete in arguments. That never works. Be willing to throw in the towel once and while and give in to the other.

17. Don't patronize.

18. Don't roll your eyes at your partner.

19. Don't point your finger at your partner.

20. Don't throw things like a squirrel looking for nuts

21. Never lose sight about the things that attracted you to your partner originally and what made you fall head-over-heels in love with them. Remind them of these qualities, often.

22. Bring out the BEST in each other.

23. TRUST each other.

24. Be HONEST with each other.

25. Never stop kissing each other. Truly kissing.

26. Realize we are all human and make mistakes. Be willing to forgive and understand where the other person is coming from.

27. Never leave the other without saying "I love you".

28. Never talk bad about your partner to friends or family. You will forgive each other but they might not.

29. Make sure the people in your life respect your partner.

30. Fall in love with each other on a daily basis. Think of one thing about the other you couldn't live without. Respect that person and again, never, ever, take "true love" for granted.

Anyway,

Today I leave you with a video by Alanis Morissette called "Everything". This video is so simple yet beautiful. I found it quite moving. Really listen to the words (I also have them listed below).

Everything lyrics

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of styleI

I can be the moodiest baby

and you've never met anyone Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.

I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen

And you've never met anyone Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I'm terrified and mistrusting

And you've never met anyone as, As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part

You see all my light and you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed

There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I knowW

hat I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known

I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known

I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known

And you've never met anyone Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )

You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )

You dig everything (you dig everything)

of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)

There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate) And you're still here

(You see everything, you see every part)

And you're still here

(You see all my light and you love my dark)

And you're still here

(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)

(There's not anything to which you can't relate)

And you're still here...

And this video is for the love of my life, my "bambi" - I love you.

Peace,
Des

Oh, Princess Melanie!

Okay so my partner basically threatened my life if I didn't post a blog about her today. Don't even think I am kidding. Long-legs Melanie was huffing and puffing yesterday as she angrily stirred veggies at the stove and said, "YOU BETTER WRITE ABOUT ME DAMNIT"! As if I wouldn't? As if I needed to have my life threatened by a long-legged, over achieving, veggie loving, feminist, lesbian. Geesh.


Melanie. Melanie. Melanie. We have been together almost 2 years (Sept 21). Mel is roughly 10 years younger than me (I say roughly because she is really 11'ish years younger and lets be honest, 10 sounds better than 11 -- am I right)? However at times Mel acts older than me. What? Who am I kidding? AT TIMES???? Try -- alllllllllllll the time. Not that I am some big, stupid kid and she is some old-fart old-lady --- but she the more serious side of our lesbian duo selves.

:: I interrupt this blog to share with you the email I just got from Melanie ::

Good. Love your blog :) I'm doing well. Why do you feel dizzy? I miss you. Oh and I'm glad I made my appearance on the blog! Don't forget the princess blog1 lol i love you

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Yah. Where was I?A'hem. Oh yeah, Melanie. First and foremost, I love her. I adore her. I couldn't imagine life without her. With that said we couldn't be any more fucking different from the other. That's right, I said it, fucking different (I swear at times - especially after watching a comedian -- or eating sausage). Melanie is a Virgo (Aug 31) and I am a Gemini (June 3). In the stars we are like arch enemies.

Virgo:

http://www.astrology-online.com/virgo.htm

Gemini: http://www.astrology-online.com/gemini.htm

I'm all about emotions and she is all about pratical shit (hey, it's my blog ). I am crazy and she is serious. But I have a serious side and she has a crazy side.


We bicker like two pussies in heat. Not like just two pussies. No, like two pussies in heat. That is all I am saying and I think I know the ROOT OF OUR EVILS.....it is our competitive nature. I am not proud of this so Melanie take that smirk off your face!!!! ;-)

There is a time and place to be competitive. Pool. Arm wrestling. Tennis. Belching. Purring. BUT NOT, I REPEAT NOT when you are having an argument. Both people have to be willing to let the OTHER win or the fight will turn into Armageddon. This is when we turn into "Gods of Fire" and throw fireballs at each other and make mamas around the world YACK. This is not okay. We'll figure it out though.

On the plus side we do have a lot of fun together. We both love music, crazy reality shows, our families, pool, tennis, concerts, travel, sex - I mean the list can go on.






Melanie loves Horses. Tennis. Exercise. Music. Art. Gardens. Law shit. Feminist shit. Possibly shit itself...I am not sure. I don't know what I keep writing the word shit!? OOOOOOOOH, I had cereal.

I love Travel. Music. Photography. Writing. Silly shit. Crazy shit but NOT shit itself.

Mel is studying to be a lawyer and possibly a professor and/or judge or possibly all of those someday - and maybe, just maybe become God herself! Hmm?

Yes, we are different but we share one very, VERY important thing in common -- LOVE!!!!! We are crazy about the other. We truly are IN LOVE with each other.

We both want kids and a nice home and hopefully we will both find our harmonious side and get everything in life we BOTH want and deserve.


I have confidence in this because I know Melanie has a good soul. A good heart. That is what makes her even more beautiful then her outside appearance which is gorgeous.

I love you Mel! :-)

-Des

HA HA HA HA --- HA!

Oh Kathy Griffith! This is funny shit...wow.



Peace,
Des

4th of July BBQ on June 29th!

Last night I had one of my simple fantasies acted out. No I didn't perform on stage with Jimmy Buffett but I did have an old-fashioned, 4th of July BBQ! I don't know what it is about the smell of grilled Italian sausage and onions that puts me in a great mood-- but it JUST DOES.

I had "da mamas" there (my mother and her partner Elizabeth), my brother Michael, his partner Liz, her baby Lestat (yes, like the movie "Interview with a Vampire"....what?), my nephew Michael and of course, my beautiful partner, Melanie. Even one of our tenants (Jeremy?) from upstairs came. The yard was decked out in American Flag's and tiki-torches and I had my country and classic rock blaring (Def Leppard, Journey, Fleetwood Mac, Eagles, etc.,). We lit fireworks, ate s'mores and watermelon and every kind of meat imaginable...lol. It was just a GREAT night. We were surrounded by "love" and "kindness" which always puts me in a great mood (plus the BBQ smell and onions always help). Melanie seemed to be having a good time too! It was great to look over at her dancing to the music while grilling her "healthy" veggies. What a beautiful woman she is - and she's mine. Aww.

It was also nice to spend time with Michael, Liz, "the baby" and my nephew Michael. Every time I looked at someone --- they had a smile on their face or were laughing. Does it get better than that? Again - simplicity at its best. Nothing fancy. Just good music, good food and good "friends".

"The baby" LOVED the fireworks! He had a smile the size of Texas on his Rhode Island face. He was clapping his hands and kicking his feet. That is all I wanted. I wanted a child to feel that excitement of the 4th of July and although my nephew (16) is all "cool", he too had tons of fun. Not to mention us "adult kids". Even the neighbors got into it!

I've discovered something very important --- if I am grilling and cooking for everyone --- I don't eat...lol. I didn't eat one piece of meat yesterday (I did have grilled pineapple, watermelon, s'mores and a cookie or two..lol). My main goal was to feed everyone else. I LOVE THAT! I may be onto something here. Hmm? ;-) I think tonight I shall grill up some veggie burgers and sweet potato's. Yummy.

Random thought: I am so excited about the bachelorette tonight! Who is she going to choose? WHOOOOOOO?????? Ugh! I didn't like Graham, buuuuuuuuuut I do think she was falling IN LOVE with the quiet bastard. Now one of those other guys are getting sloppy seconds. Sigh. They are all "good" guys but I like Jason best. Jeremy is "too perfect" and seems a bit too serious and the snowboarder, Jessie, is too much like a kid, but I do think she is attracted to him. Jason is a GREAT guy - you can just tell. But is he "too nice" for her. I think so. She likes the "bad boy", hence - Graham. I think she will pick Jeremy but I am rooting for Jason which means she'll probably pick Jessie...huh??? See, lesbians get into this crap too. I want to see the "lesbian" version of the bachelorette!!! How cool/fun would THAT be. Does this already exist? Am I the only lesbian without the LOGO Network?? :(

I am also going to post a "video of the day" on each blog. I may post more than one, depending on my mood.

Today's video(s) are in celebation of last night's 4th of July BBQ and songs that make me think of summer.



WHEEL IN THE SKY BY JOURNEY



LET IT GO BY DEF LEPPARD



TRIP AROUND THE SUN BY JIMMY BUFFETT

Peace,

Des

"That Time of the Month"!

Ugh, so it's "that time of the month" and I went from P.M.S. back to P.M.S. (PLEASE MAKE IT STOP)! Why, why, why are we women so cursed with this???????? :( Why can't men squirt this crap out of their penis? It's not fair. Luckily there is something called YAZ that I will soon be taking (http://www.yaz.com/html/pdf/News_3.pdf). My mother has been trying to get me on this for awhile. It is a birth control pill. Don't laugh. I will take anything if it will take away this misery. Is there anyone out there that LIKES their period?? Seriously? If you are reading this and don't mind it - send me a message. Although I have to say I do get thrown off if I am a day or two late. I am so happy when "my friend shows up" -- but then I want "my friend" to get the hell out. Visit over. Grrr. "The friend" has overstayed it's welcome. Bastard. The first two days are hell for me. My IBS kicks into full gear and it is not a pretty sight. But in 3-4 days I will be feeling much better so for now I will just breath....inhale...exhale. Ahhhhh. Okay, screw that - someone give me some pills!!!

This morning I was reading Newsweek and I read an interesting article on "the gays" (which would include I).

It is entitled "WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE GAY" -- basically it says that recent scientific research has found strong indications that gay people are born that way, and a new study has provided the most definitive evidence yet. Detailed analysis of the brains of 50 straight people and 40 gays and lesbians has found that gay men have brains with architecture strikingly like that of straight women. Lesbians' brains, on the other hand, are similar to those of straight men -- and they are just learning this????? Sigh. Oh well. Better late than never! :)

Hmm what else?

Oh, I am by far NOT a Bruce Springsteen fan - just never really got into his music or his grunt. However, I am loving his album: We Shall Overcome - The Seeger Sessions, especially "Pay Me My Money Down". What a great song!!!! The whole album is very cool. It has a country/Cajun feel to it.

::in my best gay boy tone:: LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!

-Des

My Life Story

THE FEMME TOMBOY

I find myself always searching for that witty intro that will attract the reader and hold their interest. Hopefully this did just that? ;-)

One thing you will come to know about me is I love to "talk" which translates to "write" on this blog. I am not great with grammar. Sorry. I am from Rhode Island. I am hoping you will excuse me based on this one fact. I will be as honest as humanely possible. Too bad I can't win $500,000 for that buuuuut maybe the producers of 'Moment of Truth' will read this and ask me to their show. I have so much to say I am going to break it down into segments. I wasn't kidding when I said I like to "talk". It's not every day that you are asked to "talk" about yourself. True, I may be the only audience, but this is interesting to me as I haven't truly reflected in awhile.

Let the blog begin!

Basics: I am a 35 year old, Italian, lesbian born June 3, 1976. This makes me a Gemini. A title I proudly wear.



Gemini: You are very optimistic, inquisitive, intelligent and full of energy. You need a vocation that keeps your interest piqued and keeps you going, such as a travel guide, nature explorer or a sales position where travel is required.

I am very emotional, excitable and believe in truly LIVING life. Enjoying life. I am an advocate for spreading kindness. I am a travel agent. I run an internet based travel agency called Out and About Travel (http://www.gaytravelpros.com/). I started this business back in 1999 when I was 23 years old.

I am not yet financially rich, but I am rich in many ways. I am my own boss. I travel when/where I want at hugely discounted prices. I very rarely get stuck in traffic. I make my own hours. I have 100% creative control. I earn a living at what I do. Most importantly I am completely passionate and in love with my job. Did I mention I am my own boss? :-)

I absolutely love to travel. I am all about the "Great American Road Trip". This sets me apart from other travel agents as to many, I am not as "worldly" as those who have been to Europe, Africa, Australia etc, Yes, I have not traveled "the world" just yet, but I have traveled throughout much of America.



I have driven through the snowy northeast, the farm lands of the great plains, the beach towns of the southeast, the desserts of the southwest and the mountains of the west. I have swam in Florida water so emerald green & turquoise I swore I was on some small island in French Polynesia. I've walked on snow white sand cool to the touch. I have driven the world's tallest paved road. Walked past tundras. I have crossed the continental divide and the midway point to the north pole. I have driven through the dessert at tempertures surpassing 120 degrees. I have seen it snow in July. I have seen ghostly blue lights dance their way across adobe buildings. I have experienced thunder so abrubpt it shook my car. I have been to the world's largest honky tonk and seen Monument Valley. I've seen it rain over the Grand Canyon and lightning in Vegas. I've seen the world's largest bat colony and have been to the music capital of the world. I've been to Graceland. I've been to the White House and Times Square. I've seen the Adirondacks, Smokey Mountains, Rocky Mountains and most other National Parks. I've been to authentic BBQ restaurants, motercycle bars, seafood shacks, beach bars and 5-star restaurants. I've seen a concert at Red Rocks under a quarter moon. I've seen fireworks over Destin Bay. I've been to Quebec City in the Fall. Montreal in the Summer and Mont Tremblant in the winter. My life has been much like Johnny Cash's song "I've Been Everywhere". I've been quite blessed thus far.

Beside travel I am passionate about playing guitar. I have been playing since age 11. I love all kinds of music especially country, southern rock, folk-rock, alternative and dance/pop. Some of my favorite groups include: Indigo Girls, The Ditty Bops, Jimmy Buffett, Alison Krauss, Girlyman, 3 Doors Down, The Killers, Weezer, Dierks Bentley, Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith, Brad Paisley, George Strait, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Cross Canadian Ragweed, Hana-McEuen, Dixie Chicks, Eagles, Fleetwood Mac and yes, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Timberland, Sean Paul etc., -- I think you get the idea! ;-) LOL!

I love to write my own songs (many silly). I am not a singer but I enjoy singing. 

I love photography. I love reading. I love going to concerts. I love dining out. I love being near the ocean. I love being near the snow. I love big storms and have always dreamed of going on one of those tornado-chasing tours (seriously..lol). At one point I wanted to be a meteorologist.


With all this said, what I stand for, above all other things is --- kindness. Am I the nicest person in the world? By far, no! I am human. We all are, but I do make a conscious effort to respect everyone around me and be kind. Some people brag about their crankiness and they dry-senses of humor or the fact that they just aren't happy. I am going to brag about my desire and need for kindness. Maybe it is because I was faced with so much un-kindness in life that I feel so passionate about this.

I want people to be kind to me. I need it. My mother, and I think all mothers (or parents, grandparents, best friends etc.,) always say - "Not everyone is going to like you in this life." and yeah, that may be true, but I could wish, right? I could strive for that.

There are so many people out there that are ready to knock you down. Rain on your parade. Shower you with negativity. I call these the "black cape" people. I think we need more "red cape" people. Those that make eye contact and smile. Those unafraid to give compliments. To help out. To simply -- be nice. How good does it feel when someone catches your eye, smiles and says hello or compliments that shirt you have on or hair cut? How nice does it feel when someone laughs at your jokes or helps you with your chores? Don't you want to GIVE THAT BACK? I know I do.

In society's eyes I am not the perfect weight. I am 5'6'ish and size 12. I don't have the perfect skin. I don't have acne but I get random break-outs that make me want to put a brown bag over my face. For many years I didn't have the best smile. I had several gaps that caused me to cover my mouth each time I smiled. It wasn't until I turned 30 that I finally had the courage to fix this. I have ample breasts and olive skin. I am a tom boy with a gay boy personality. I am not butch. I am not femme. I am in between. Average. I have been average with most things my entire life. The one area I have no problem saying I excel in - is human kindness. I do have limitations though. In my heart I want to be helping Habitat for Humanity and the American Redcross, but I currently battle "on and off again" bought's of anxiety and "slight" social-phobia. It hinders me - and I am working on it. I am so much better than when I was in my 20's. I wish I was a (traveling) psychologist or (traveling) teacher. I want to help people. I crave it. Maybe this will become Desiree 2.0. There is so much I have left in me to give.

I yell. I get mad. I get impatient. I get frustrated. Again, I am human. But the core of who I am craves to give kindness and receive kindness. Back to that...

My whole life I have been faced with unkindness. Yes, we all have, but my skin is quite thin when it comes to this.Childhood: called fat, had kids count my zits, had separation anxiety from my mother, had my smile made fun of, very shy and nervous child, always worried about big brother

Adolescence: called gay slurs, called ugly in not so direct terms, had my heart broken for the first time with no explanation, missed my graduation for fear of gay slurs, missed relationship with brother due to him being in jail, lost first pet (my dog frosty), had vulgarity screamed to me from my father, had vulgarity screamed to me from my mother (un gay related on both accounts) - became very anxious - sick all the time - dizzy

My 20's: weight gain, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) at full peak, spent literally hours a day in bathroom, lost friends, only made it through 3 years of college - barely remembering any of it - called more gay slurs, asked by children if I was a "boy or a girl", called derogatory names from my mother, lost contact with my father for 10 years (best 10 years of my life - sarcasm intended), had to live through my mother's cancer diagnosis (she is 100% better now), lost my aunt who was like a 2nd mother to me, claimed bankruptcy, had on-and-off urinary tract infections and a bladder infection that lasted a year - for the first time in my life I wished I "wasn't here" - never felt such loneliness and despair - hopelessness - disappointed in myself - not enough encouragement around me or within myself

My 30's (current): financial issues, skin issues, "slight" social phobia issues - but much, much better than my other 29 years on earth.

Okay, so the above ONLY focused on the negativity so here is the positive side of the above.
Childhood: big family, loving mother, loving aunt, close to brother, close to grandmother, close to cousins, good in school, very outgoing, into acting/putting on shows, loved music, laughed a lot, close to teaches, good friends, won trip to Walt Disney World - first love affair with travel, fun family events/holidays, Sundays with family, church going, loved to pray, believed in prayer, loved MTV, roller skating, bike riding, writing, homework (for real), making home videos, pretending to be a "rock star", best friends with Kerissa, best friends with my mom & aunt, excited about everything, loved parties, loved rock & pop magazines, into heavy metal, into all kinds of music, loved debbie gibson, tiffany, new kids on the block, def leppard, poison, cinderella and indigo girls - met what would become my favorite teacher and role model, rayleen giannotti (now sister rayleen giannotti), won numerous school awards, loved life, always happy, hopeful, entertainer - on the go



Adolescence: outgoing, started grrl-band in La Salle (played guitar), cut hair - finally found own style (alternative/tomboyish), fell in love for the first time, tons of friends, very active, first jobs, good grades, in campus ministry, on band tech, involved with theatre tech, skinny, silly, hopeful, independent, admired, learned that kindness is #1 quality I find attractive in others, into alternative music, indigo girls, melissa etheridge, sarah McLaughlin, 95.5 WBRU, went to buy a pair of combat boots with my mother, hung up "the east side" / Thayer Street all the time, got my baby silky terrier speck, genuinely happy even through any tough times.

My 20's: went to college for 3 years, met a wonderful partner (April) I would spend the next 10 years with, started traveling, fell deeply in love with travel, found my passion in life/work - travel, started my own business - out & about travel, TRAVEL - TRAVEL - TRAVEL, "came out" officially, worked in Boston, learned how to promote myself on the internet, designing a web site, start a business with pratically ZERO dollars, read every travel book known to man, wrote songs for the first time, worked on my guitar skills, became closer to my mother, met my 2nd mama Elizabeth, fell in love with cats, welcomed ms. schmitty, thumpy, mitzy, mr. fajizzles and bing cherrie into my life - traveled internationally for the first time, got into photography, learned what it meant to be "peaceful" and "respected", found inner strength I thought I never had, believed in the power of prayer - again, learned to always "get up" if knocked down, realized what matters most to me isn't something you can "buy" but LIVE -- I love experiencing this world of ours - fell in love with the United States - I am talking head-over-heals love.

MY 30's

My beautiful partner, Jennifer

Like they say, 3rd times a charm! ;) Perfection! <3

Beautiful

(Current): Ended 10 year relationship with April on positive terms, Fell in TRUE, complete, passionate love with the most beautiful person on the outside and inside (Jennifer Walsh), finally happy with body, became a godmother....

Found courage I never knew I had (to the average person the following might not seem like a big deal but to me these things are huge: went to dentist to finally fix gaps, flew by myself, drove - by myself- over bridges, went to a frat party (awful as expected), socialized on large scales, met and interacted with another big Italian family, other than mine, for the first time, worked outside my "home office" for the first time in almost 10 years, socialized, socialized, socialized). Became more physically and mentally healthy. Merged company with Liberty Travel for about a year. Became self-employed again. Got over my phone phobia. Came to a deep realization that I need to give back. Give love back. Give kindness back. Realized I want to be a parent. I want to have a big family.

I neeeeeeed to give love. I want to be successful at what I do - if not rich - feel a deep satisfaction inside. Realize I have zero tolerance for unkindness. At 35 I feel more soulful. I realize what matters above everything in this world is family, friends and inner peace. I now know my life is just beginning. There is a long road ahead of me and now is my time to make my wants/desires/dreams happen. I have learned to let go of toxic relationships. I know my morals. I know, deep inside, I am truly a good person and surround myself with good people. Not perfect - too boring - good, kind-hearted people. I demand respect. I give respect. I am a work in progress and on the happiness scale I am getting closer and closer.

I have learned there are things I am unwilling to compromise and that is to be treated as I treat others. I want what I give. I have self-respect and it feels good. I want my fair "slice of the pie." I am a hard worker and this is the decade I reap the rewards. I refuse to settle. Dare I say I have some "hope" again?

Okay, so that is THAT. Am I done? LOL! Nope. I told you this was going to be long. This is almost like a "cleansing". How people do their spring cleaning. This is mine! :-)


PHILOSOPHY ON LIFE: Okay so we've all heard someone say, "We can die at anytime"! I could die now. And now. All I want out of life is a feeling of satisfaction knowing I did and gave enough of myself. That I, somehow made a difference. Most people want this. I do not believe in the WORK, WORK, WORK, DIE philosophy. I also don't believe in the BEACH BUM philosophy (Jimmy Buffett is far from being a bum people...lol). I believe in the FAMILY FIRST, LOVE FIRST - WORK SECOND philosophy. Money does not make you happy. Love and personal connections make you happy. I am a worker. I need to work. It gets my mind going and I love feeling productive. Just because I would like to go from step A to C (skipping B) doesn't make me lazy or not a hard worker. It means I want to "out smart" the competition and reap the rewards the easiest way possible! :-) Nothing wrong with that! I say this because I want more time to ENJOY the rewards. To enjoy living. To enjoy my family and friends. What if you work your entire life away and miss out on all the truly important things? Your baby's first words. Your child's recital. A romantic trip with your partner to Hawaii. Sure, you'll have your "business title" and a huge bank account but your LIFE ACCOUNT will be in the negative. What's more important? Eating at fancy restaurants or at a small shack with your Family on a Friday night? Driving a fancy car or driving a smaller car and having enough money for that family trip to Walt Disney World? It all comes down to what matters most.


I understand in live you can't skip step "B" but for me, "B" will always be lower case "b" - "B" will not BE my life...lol. Wow. That's a mouth full.


My partner and my children will ALWAYS come first. Period. I give this and expect the same in return.


I don't NEED to be financially rich but I DO NEED to be EMOTINALLY rich.


I want to be financially secure and have enough to take care of my family and myself but I don't need the BEST of the BEST. Only the BEST home life if that make sense?


In a perfect world my little gay travel business, Out & About Travel, would catch it's break, it's 15-minutes of fame if you will. I will earn enough money to save and live. Put my mind at ease. Money IS important to some extent - of course. But relationships and LIVING life are more important -- in my opinion. I am not here to IMPRESS the world. I am here to give love and receive love. To enjoy the simple things in life, which are the most important.


I want my mom to be proud of me. My partner to be proud of me. My aunt in heaven to be proud of me. God to be proud of me -- but mostly I want to be proud of myself. I like going to bed at night with a clear conscious.


TURN-OFFS: Rudeness, greed, impatience, "coldness", unsympathetic, no spontaneity, being too serious, uncompassionate, disrespectful, easily annoyed, self-absorption, workaholics, no self of humor, RUDENESS, RUDENESS and RUDENESS.

LIKES: Kindness, gentleness, patience, compassion, generosity, sense of humor, ability to laugh at oneself, fun, excitable, adventurous, spontaneous, artistic, soft, love of life and living, passionate, nurturing, lives in the moment, spiritual, warm, great intuition, family oriented, animal lover, COMPASSION, COMPASSION, COMPASSION.

Picture I took over Destin Harbor 4th of July 2007

FAVORITE HOLIDAY: 4th of July! Yes, of course I love Christmas and Halloween too, buuuuut there is just something about the 4th of July. It has nothing to do with patriotism..lol. It has to do with - FUN and FAMILY.

Okay, here is what I picture when I think of the 4th of July:

The era of 1976-1983. Think the 'Dukes of Hazzard' era. The first 'Friday the 13th' was out. People wore cut-off jean shorts w/ frays. They drove Camaro's. Def Leppard was a new band. Journey was hot. You are at a 4th of July BBQ. The smell of cut grass mixed with grilled hot-dogs and burgers. The radio is playing 'Wheel in the Sky' by Journey or 'Rhiannon' by Fleetwood Mac. There are American Flags hanging everywhere. Kids playing with sparklers. You have family members hanging out by the pool. Teens with their friends. Some people drinking ice-cold beer and others drinking iced tea. Maybe someone is strumming a guitar. The feeling of peace and family engulfs you. If you are a kid you feel excitement build about the firework show you will be seeing that night. If you are a teen you wonder if you'll kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend at the show. If you are an adult you are happy to be surrounded by such --- happiness and peace. The 4th of July is about BBQ's, family, music, fireworks - happiness. I just love it. I love that whole era. Even though I was born in 1976 -- I can still remember that EXCITEMENT everything once held. The 4th of July barn-fire at the end of our street. Sitting out past midnight watching people light fireworks. Going to my cousins house for a cook-out. I loved that era. Things were so simple - yet exciting. As cliche as that might sound - its true. I want to replicate that. I want to replicate that era in the party's I throw. I want my kids to FEEL THAT EXCITEMENT. Such pure happiness.


ULTIMATE GOAL: To be happy. Sure, I can write rich, married w/ kids and that would be the norm. Of course I WANT THAT, but first my SOUL needs to feel - happy and content. I want to share life with other people who share my outlook and goals. I want to be surrounded by loving, supportive, kind, fun people. I want and need more friends. Do you want to be my friend? I simply want to find that peace inside.


So that is my life in a nutshell! :-) LOL! I figured I had to give some background before starting this, what I hope to be, very personal blog.


Thanks for "listening".


Peace,
Desiree