Angel

There's Those Thinking More or Less - Less is More.

"There's those thinking more or less, less is more but if less is more, why you keeping score?"




"I've been wounded, I've been healed. Now for landing - landing I've been cleared."




"I've got this light, and the will to show - I will always be, better than before."

The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth.

I had dinner with my ex, April, last night to celebrate her birthday (she is 38 and I am 35). As always, it was a great time. We laughed, talked, laughed some more, reminisced and just enjoyed that time we had together. For a second I had an out-of-body-experience and realized THIS is who I am. The type person who is best friends with her ex. An ex that I may have inadvertently hurt, but an ex that knows my heart and respects the decisions that had to be made.


I also got to thinking how April NEVER complained one time about her 1 1/2 hour commute to/from work (10+ years, mind you) -- because, as she said, she knew "I was at the other end."  It was "all worth it" she would say. This put a huge smile on my face and made me feel warm inside.

That is the person I am. Someone worthy of THAT.


I then thought about my new "friend", Jen, and how she seems to see the real me without much effort on my part. She has shown me such kindness and support in the short amount of time knowing her, that I am completely blown away.


I though about my friends and my family and felt (feel) so lucky to be have such love and support around me.

Especially my mother. Yeah. I have the best mother - hands down.


I will never, for as long as I live, be able to understand how something that was once so beautiful and cherished could turn so ugly and vile. How the truth can be twisted into anything BUT the truth. This is foreign to me and something I will never be able to do. You can hook my body up to a lie detector machine. If nothing else, I am honest --- to a fault. I have been on the receiving end of some vicious emails attacking my character and dignity. I tried so hard to take the high road and not respond to (most) of them. Do you know how HARD that is? How HARD it is to not respond to false accusations that are disgustingly inaccurate? Do you know the amount of stress, pain and hurt that causes a person? This is called cyberbullying/cyberstalking and it is a SERIOUS offense. Especially in the state of Rhode Island.


I have decided to protect my character/dignity and do what needs to be done because I KNOW THE TRUTH. I know all the false accusations being made about me, and I am ---- done. I am done with the pain. I am done being attacked. I should not have to defend the truth. The truth, just is. It is always proven. I can prove the truth - no problem.


What I will never be able to get over is the shock and pain over having this done to me. By adults. By someone I loved and cherished.


But you know what?


If you treat people like they don't matter, don't be surprised when you no longer matter to them.

Cyberstalking Now Punishable Under Domestic Violence - RI Law in Effect Since June 2011

RI teen charged with cyber stalking: wpri.com

Cyberstalking / Cyberbullying

Too Little. Too Late.

Sometimes trying to be nice and take the higher road leads to a very dangerous situation. I am truly afraid right now. It is time to take serious action. People do not realize how everything is traceable! EVERYTHING! How much clearer can I make that?

I have been advised what to do from my lawyer, therapist, family and friends. I had been the one choosing to not take action because of "my feelings."

It is time I stop thinking and worrying about other people and the cosequences they will face and start thinking about myself, dignity and character.

The lies end now. I have suffered enough.

http://www.rilin.state.ri.us/Statutes/TITLE11/11-52/11-52-4.2.HTM
http://www.ncsl.org/?tabid=12538#RI

Devotion - Indigo Girls

This gives me chills....those voices!

Making Promises - Indigo Girls

September 20, 2011

What an amazing day! 


Remember, the truth ALWAYS comes out in the end.


And, you know what?


Good things DO happen to good people! xo

September 19, 2011

Taken at Colt State Park - Bristol, RI - September 18, 2011

September 18, 2011

I go an see this amazing psychic/tarot card reader every now and then. I have been seeing her for over a year and a half and she has always been pretty spot on with her predictions.

The last time I saw her was in August and she told me (and I quote):

"You are going to meet someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated." She went on to tell me, with a half amused look, that she would be a Virgo.

She also said: "The universe is working extra hard to bring you two together."At the time, when I received this particular reading, I wasn't sure how much I could believe it. Sure, I was healing and moving on, but I wouldn't expect the above right away.

Then ---- I met, Jen.

Jen with one the cast of one of her charity events

Jen and I haven't known each other "that" long. We have only been on one date, thus far. I think she is beyond adorable, kind, sweet, funny and smart. I like her - a lot.

Jen and a group of her friends

I explained to Jen that I needed to take things very slow and start out as "close friends" first as I didn't want a repeat of any of my past relationships.

This is the email I received in response to that:

"Des,

First, thank you SO very much for being so open and honest with me.

Second, I am not going anywhere.

I would SO love to keep building our friendship and connection.

I told you that I have been in long term relationships my whole life, too. I have always moved way too quickly.

I already know more and feel more for you than anyone else I began a relationship with and moved in with. So, let's take our time.

I do have strong feelings for you already.

You are absolutely amazing. You are so sweet and adorable. I love all that you have accomplished for yourself and that you still have goals to keep doing more.

I want to keep learning more about you. I love your laugh and that cute, nervousness you have about you. You are very attractive with a beautiful smile and eyes that speak right to me.

I do not need to rush anything that just feels SO right!!


I am good with us taking our time and building a friendship first.

I have told you my favorite celebrity is Gillian Anderson. There are many reasons for that. First, I was an X-Files fan before I knew of her connection to NF. I can't remember if I told you about this part. Her brother has NF. She has addressed congress for more funding for NF. She is a spokesperson for NF. Does a lot of original artwork with proceeds going to NF research. I fell in love with her NF alien logo, which is why I had it tattooed on me.... So, what does this have to do with us? Well, I discovered a quote from her late last year and it totally pertains to this situation....


“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with”

Yes, I so would so love to fall in love with my best friend!!!


I want to build that friendship with you and I don't care how long it takes. I hope that building a friendship will some day take us to a committed relationship. :)

So, I look forward to spending time with you; getting to know you more; getting to know your life, family, and friends; going for walks and road trips together; taking in person more about all kinds of things; etc.

And if it is ok, I would still love to be cuddled up on the couch with you watching a movie or some strange tv show you may try to introduce me to - lol, but not more rushing in with the kisses or anything further. ;)

Let's take our time going down this path together, because once we reach that clearing it will be absolutely amazing!!

Talk to you soon,


and hope to see you again soon, too. :)


-Jen xoxo"

Jen being a good sport and having fun!

 

Need I say more? :) Oh, and Jen is a Virgo (on the Libra cusp). She is also extremely close to her family and adores her mom & dad. Whew!!!!!! How refreshing to have someone in my life not jealous of my relationship with my mom & Elizabeth. She also lives close by.

Jen has a Master in Arts in English, works in a college Library, loves all kinds of music, enjoys many of the same things I do (and is even a horror movie fan - lol - yaaaaay). She is involved with numerous charity events, loves pets, is an amazing writer, has a great sense of humor, is extremely kind hearted, has a positive attitude, loves traveling, having fun and did I mention she LOVES her parents and family?????

Jen and HER "Aunt Rose"

Jen takes part in a yearly bike race for NF

Jen even sported a similar hairstyle to mine in highschool? college? lol

Yeah.

Anyway, there is a saying that goes something like:

"If God leads you to it, he will bring you through it."

Boy, is this true! :-)

I don't know what my future truly holds, but if I had to go by MY intuition, which has always been pretty darn good as well, I would say I am heading in the right direction for sure.

September 17, 2011

Jen turned 37 yesterday! We had a blast at Buca last night! :)



September 16, 2011

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them anyway. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”

~Sara Paddison quotes

Flipping Funny

September 15, 2011

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

... Is made from what I learned from you.

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And whatever way our stories end

I know you have rewritten mine.

~Kiera Sullivan

Be Grateful

The Handy Femme!

Jen at her friend Jes's house being "handy" - lol!

Somewhere Different Now

The Shape I Found You In

Toothbrush

L.O.V.E. This Song!!!!

I am absolutely obsessed with this song! Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaziiiiiiing!!!! ;)

Indigo Girls connection??

It is absolutely amazing how many people I meet that have an "Indigo Girls connection" with me!? Jen not only met them while at college in the 90's, she also attended the same Newport Folk Festivals I did in the 90's. Too funny!

Happy Birthday, Reed!

Happy 2 Year Birthday Reed Timmer Sousa!

Born: Sept 11, 2009

Dear Reed,

You came into my life shortly after I lost one of the best friends I ever had, Speck.

Speck was such a sweet, loving dog who was by my side for almost 15 years. I remember the night I lost Speck. I cried and cried and never thought I would have another dog I would love as much, boy was I wrong! I truly believe he had something to do with our paths crossing.

When I saw you Reed, it was love at first sight! I saw that scruffy little face of yours, all dirty and matted in that tiny cage, and knew that you were my baby.

My motherly instincts kicked in and I wanted to smother you with love! I gave you tons of kisses and nuzzled you on my neck.

Reed, we've been through a lot these past 2 years. You have been by my side continuously.

You have made me laugh, kept me warm and licked my tears away.

You touch everyone's life you come in contact with.

People can't get over how absolutely adorable (and funny) you are! You make me so proud.

I love you.

-Mom



Adele, 21

Adele 21 is a brilliant CD. Just saying.

Bad Dreams Suck Like Sour Milk!

I had the worst dream ever last night. Ugh. Kinda sets your day off in the wrong direction when that happens. It was a mix of EVERYTHING literally going on in my mind.

One of my friends recently taught me the difference between different diamond rings (I was curious- lol). It was quite an interesting lesson (who knew there were so many different cuts and 1 to 1.5 carats is the average for getting married- I always thought 3-5 carats but when she showed me one of THOSE rings I nearly died...woah....could break a finger AND the bank.....who knew?)

OKAY - so it was a mix of THAT experience (looking at rings) during an AWFUL storm where people I cared for got severely hurt and I was lost and blah, blah, blah -- UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Nice. REAL nice.

I blame this on the two Pepperidge Farm Double Chocolate Cookies I had when I got up at 2am! For whatever reason I couldn't fall back asleep until 5am and that is when I had this awful dream. They say when you eat a snack late at night you have weird dreams. Um...y'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Anyway, I listened to the thunderstorm, snuggled my puppy (who turns 2 years old on Sunday) and cursed the adivan that obviously didn't work last night..lol.

I just have that "feeling" inside today. Very unsettled. I hate when that happens.

I just have to tell myself, It was ONLY a dream, I am NOT psychic and cookies aren't to be avoided because of this! :)

Neurofibromatosis Awareness

Jen getting a tattoo in rememberence of her brother.

My friend, Jennifer, is doing a bike ride this weekend to gain awareness for Neurofibromatosis (NF).
 She, her dad and brother all have Neurofibromatosis (NF1).

 

Her brother died on June 21, 2010 at the age of 33. For over 2 years he fought a deadly cancer from a malignant peripheral nerve sheath tumor (MPNST). MPNST can happen to anyone, with or without NF, but it is more common for people with NF to develop this type of cancer than those without NF. He had several types of chemo, but they did not work. Jennifer made a promise to her brother before he died that she would keep fighting for a cure for NF.

Please click here to donate (every little bit helps!)

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jennifer-walsh-2/CoasttotheCure-BikeRideforNF

I'll be routing her on and know she will do amazing! :)

Falling is a pain in the ass!

So I finally put a new blind up in my bedroom. It has gone from 1/2 dented to very dented to ghetto-looking-hurricane-blown-hanging by a thread-dented. I felt very productive putting up my fall decorations as it was. Enjoying my squirrel colony, the smell of hazelnut candles, new curtains, prints etc., -- so being all "I CAN DO THIS" I proceeded to put the blind up. I used this small little ottoman stand to hoist myself up. Of course it wasn't as easy as it looked. I had to distort my body in a way that almost caused my breasts to protrude me backwards off the glass. Biting my lower lip, I scooched just a wee-bit-too-much to the left and --- FELL. 

 

 

 

Twittershitter, it hurt!!!!

 

I looked like a crime scene with the way my left leg was layed out. All of my pets took off. I heard my Morman neighbors scuffle upstairs (but alarmingly there wasn't a knock, call or text...hmm...one more homosexual down I guess...?!)

 

Anyway, I popped back up as fast I could but now my ASS is friggin killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I may have to tiger balm my ass, which means everywhere I sit will be "stamped" with that balmy smell. Nice.

 

Oh, and I saved my sports bra from the bowels of the washing machine. I scraped up my arm a bit (jeez --- housework is dangerous), but it is alive and well.

 

Now people from around the world know this.

 

I can rest easy! ;)

Sweet Child 'O' Mine....lol!

 

Fajizzle Deefizzle!

Now this is a TRENDSETTER - Cat Walk Atire - Purr at THIS ladies & gents!

The perfect sweater for those

 super self conscious days!?!?

*unisex*

Notice the plethora of purses and what the heck is that on the left shoulder??? A sock warmer? I think the person who decorated this "spidermaniquen" gave the birdy to the manager a few seconds later.

 Just sayin....

Complete Randomness

My therapist recently had me start a journal. Me, never one to tire of writing about my feelings (lol), happily accepted this request.

I was shocked by what came out. It's amazing how feelings flow so easily (even for someone who doesn't have a problem with that in the first place) when someone genuinely seems interested.

You can always sense when someone truly enjoys your company. Loves listening to you and your stories (no matter how many times you repeat them..lol). Their face lights up, their focus becomes entirely about you. It makes you feel --- heard. Important. Alive. Understood.

I've been blessed with some new close friendships. Friends who I thought were friends have become sisters and strangers best friends.

I have always loved to listen to other people and show my genuine concern. I forgot what a wonderful feeling it is to share that with others who feel comfortable being vunerable with me. That trust is a beautiful feeling. They trust me and I trust them.

My therapist is one of these special people. It always moves me when she cries WITH me or gets up in the middle of a session to hug me or says she "missed me". I love that she LAUGHS at my humor. She gets me.

She, and my friends/family, have done SO MUCH for my self esteem this summer. I didn't realize how much it was broken. How much I was hiding inside.

A friend recently told me "I enrich her life." Another friend told me "I have a beautiful soul." Yet another friend complimented me on my looks. Wow. Who knew???

I've always been free with the compliments. If I think you are beautiful - I will tell you. If I like what you are wearing - I will tell you. If you have hurt me - I will tell you.

It's just who I am.

I love big. I hurt big. I forgive big. I laugh big.

I truly wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have yet another friend who is SO intuned to me that she calls me on days when she knows I am struggling with something. She just FEELS it - and calls. She hasn't been wrong once. It blows my mind the connection I have with people.

My ex, April, messeged me from her recent trip to Vegas. She thought of ME, her ex of almost 5 years, and checked in. She tells me she loves me everytime we hang up on the phone or see each other in person.

That means so much.

My mother and Elizabeth are two of my best friends.

My niece's eyes light up when she sees me. She runs towards me, screams "AUNTY DESI!" and hugs me.

My pets ALL sleep on the bed with me at night.

I have had some friends for over 25 years.

These are all reflections I have written in my journal.

I am no saint. I never asked to be and I never will be. I have done things I regret in life, but that is just it ---- I regret the things I have done that may have hurt others. I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who love me so much (and vice versa) that forgiveness is as easy as breathing.

As my therapist says, "You are an honest person D.S."

You know what?

I am.

So Proud of My Boy!

As if there was any doubt Dfizzy was my son...!? lol From the 2:45 time mark on this young man took the words out of my mouth. He may be "crazy" and "hyper" but this guy has a heart. I'm proud of "my boy"...lol.

The Child I Didn't Give Birth To

It's been awhile since I posted videos of my son (daughter?) -- As you can see my child (::wink wink::) has a lot to say! :)

September 2011

September 2011