XV Beacon Hotel – Boston, MA
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Saturday, November 2, 2013
Fall in New England is a such a beautiful thing!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
Reed was Tom Brady!
Angel was The Great Pumpkin!
And, of course - I was a redneck, zombie killer! ;)
Boo! ;)
Jen was going to be a zombie but had a wicked bad headache so she was just her beautiful self!
Life Lessons - Enduring Bullying, Homophobia, Social Phobia and Cruelty and Making it Through with a SMILE!
Wow, I came across this old post on Facebook and wanted to share with Femme Tomboy's followers:
34 years of life has taught me....
When I was a young child I was extremely outgoing. I was surrounded by love and support - always. Put me on a stage and I was ready to go. In grade school I had my first taste of cruelty. During grades 3-6 I was somewhat of a chubby girl, was developed before everyone else and even suffered "break outs" by age 11. I was made fun of at times and every time my spirit was crushed my family would build me back up and make me feel like the most beautiful, special little girl. In return I would go to school and share that with other kids who were being bullied or made fun of. I empathized with them. As I got closer to 6-8 grade my confidence sored again, by being kind, even to ignorance and cruelty, I developed a pretty good self image. Extra pounds, troubled skin and all. Did I mention I also had a huge gap between my front teeth?
By 7th grade I lost all my baby fat, without trying, and somehow became "the popular" kid. The good student - winning awards (yawn - who cares). What I remember most about grades 7-8 are my relationships. I made
my first (true) best friend, realized I was gay, looked up to teaches and knew, by age 13, that what truly mattered was the love you got and gave out. I was friends with everyone. I didn't care how different we were.
High School was 95% amazing. I was one of the few girls who never obsessed over weight, was fine being true to myself (I never drank, smoke, did drugs --- definitely not a follower). I didn't care if my friends dabbled in that stuff. After all, it seemed like I was the "abnormal" one for not desiring any of that "junk". No, I lost myself in music, art and......love. My school work, although good, was always second to the crushes I had and the love I developed for people. I loved my friends. I loved my family. I loved certain girls and I loved myself. All in healthy ways, of course. The word conceded would never be even close to me.
It wasn't until the end of senior year that I began being bullied. Boy, was I bullied. For being gay. For being a tomboy. For not being promiscuous, or drinking/doing drugs. I was given death threats. I was called ugly by numerous guys. I was pushed. Had homophobic comments left of my computer etc., ---- the bullies started to wear me down. So much so, I developed an anxiety disorder and avoided my own graduation ceremony for fear of being called a "dyke" as I walked down the isle.
Something happened to me at this point. My sheltered life of (primarily) love and acceptance was shattered by the harsh reality that people.....are cruel. There are those that truly WANT to hurt you and see you fail.
In my late teens and 20's I dealt with a lot of physical/emotional issues -- too many to get into, but the foundation of who I was, and who I am, never faltered.
Since that time, during senior year of high school, 1994, I have been "punched" in the gut more times than I can count, but you know what?
I'm still here.
As a woman in my early 30's I can finally say, with sincerity, I know what truly matters in life.
It doesn't matter what your weight it.
It doesn't matter what grades you got.
It doesn't matter how much money you have.
It doesn't matter the quantity of people in your life.
No, what matters is how much love you give out to the world and accept yourself.
I like to think I'm a pretty decent person. Sure, I've been pushed to the dark side on occasion and you know what? I instantly feel remorse and empathy for what I did.
That is truth. Not manipulation. Not attention seeking. Truth.
I have friends from kindergarten that I can call today and they'd be there for me.
I have friends who have stuck with me through the past 20+ years.
I have friends who are like sisters to me.
I have friends I would never talk bad about behind their back.
But mostly, I am my own friend.
I really like myself.
I have an abundance of love left inside that every day I crave to give out.
So even when I find myself lonely or knocked down, I know it is temporary. I know that I allow love into my life as much as I give it out and that there are people out there who will benefit from having a connection with me and vice versa.
The bullies in life can keep swinging at me all they want, because they'll never reach my heart ---- the core of who I am. Even if tears are shed out of exasperation of the cruelty of people, my inner core will never be broken. Swing away. You'll strike out.
So as I sit here, alone, in my office, heavy hearted and a bit worn, I can assure you I will brush this latest pain off and move forward.
A spirit full of love will never be crushed.
By 7th grade I lost all my baby fat, without trying, and somehow became "the popular" kid. The good student - winning awards (yawn - who cares). What I remember most about grades 7-8 are my relationships. I made
my first (true) best friend, realized I was gay, looked up to teaches and knew, by age 13, that what truly mattered was the love you got and gave out. I was friends with everyone. I didn't care how different we were.
High School was 95% amazing. I was one of the few girls who never obsessed over weight, was fine being true to myself (I never drank, smoke, did drugs --- definitely not a follower). I didn't care if my friends dabbled in that stuff. After all, it seemed like I was the "abnormal" one for not desiring any of that "junk". No, I lost myself in music, art and......love. My school work, although good, was always second to the crushes I had and the love I developed for people. I loved my friends. I loved my family. I loved certain girls and I loved myself. All in healthy ways, of course. The word conceded would never be even close to me.
It wasn't until the end of senior year that I began being bullied. Boy, was I bullied. For being gay. For being a tomboy. For not being promiscuous, or drinking/doing drugs. I was given death threats. I was called ugly by numerous guys. I was pushed. Had homophobic comments left of my computer etc., ---- the bullies started to wear me down. So much so, I developed an anxiety disorder and avoided my own graduation ceremony for fear of being called a "dyke" as I walked down the isle.
Something happened to me at this point. My sheltered life of (primarily) love and acceptance was shattered by the harsh reality that people.....are cruel. There are those that truly WANT to hurt you and see you fail.
In my late teens and 20's I dealt with a lot of physical/emotional issues -- too many to get into, but the foundation of who I was, and who I am, never faltered.
Since that time, during senior year of high school, 1994, I have been "punched" in the gut more times than I can count, but you know what?
I'm still here.
As a woman in my early 30's I can finally say, with sincerity, I know what truly matters in life.
It doesn't matter what your weight it.
It doesn't matter what grades you got.
It doesn't matter how much money you have.
It doesn't matter the quantity of people in your life.
No, what matters is how much love you give out to the world and accept yourself.
I like to think I'm a pretty decent person. Sure, I've been pushed to the dark side on occasion and you know what? I instantly feel remorse and empathy for what I did.
That is truth. Not manipulation. Not attention seeking. Truth.
I have friends from kindergarten that I can call today and they'd be there for me.
I have friends who have stuck with me through the past 20+ years.
I have friends who are like sisters to me.
I have friends I would never talk bad about behind their back.
But mostly, I am my own friend.
I really like myself.
I have an abundance of love left inside that every day I crave to give out.
So even when I find myself lonely or knocked down, I know it is temporary. I know that I allow love into my life as much as I give it out and that there are people out there who will benefit from having a connection with me and vice versa.
The bullies in life can keep swinging at me all they want, because they'll never reach my heart ---- the core of who I am. Even if tears are shed out of exasperation of the cruelty of people, my inner core will never be broken. Swing away. You'll strike out.
So as I sit here, alone, in my office, heavy hearted and a bit worn, I can assure you I will brush this latest pain off and move forward.
A spirit full of love will never be crushed.
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