Complete Randomness

My therapist recently had me start a journal. Me, never one to tire of writing about my feelings (lol), happily accepted this request.

I was shocked by what came out. It's amazing how feelings flow so easily (even for someone who doesn't have a problem with that in the first place) when someone genuinely seems interested.

You can always sense when someone truly enjoys your company. Loves listening to you and your stories (no matter how many times you repeat them..lol). Their face lights up, their focus becomes entirely about you. It makes you feel --- heard. Important. Alive. Understood.

I've been blessed with some new close friendships. Friends who I thought were friends have become sisters and strangers best friends.

I have always loved to listen to other people and show my genuine concern. I forgot what a wonderful feeling it is to share that with others who feel comfortable being vunerable with me. That trust is a beautiful feeling. They trust me and I trust them.

My therapist is one of these special people. It always moves me when she cries WITH me or gets up in the middle of a session to hug me or says she "missed me". I love that she LAUGHS at my humor. She gets me.

She, and my friends/family, have done SO MUCH for my self esteem this summer. I didn't realize how much it was broken. How much I was hiding inside.

A friend recently told me "I enrich her life." Another friend told me "I have a beautiful soul." Yet another friend complimented me on my looks. Wow. Who knew???

I've always been free with the compliments. If I think you are beautiful - I will tell you. If I like what you are wearing - I will tell you. If you have hurt me - I will tell you.

It's just who I am.

I love big. I hurt big. I forgive big. I laugh big.

I truly wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have yet another friend who is SO intuned to me that she calls me on days when she knows I am struggling with something. She just FEELS it - and calls. She hasn't been wrong once. It blows my mind the connection I have with people.

My ex, April, messeged me from her recent trip to Vegas. She thought of ME, her ex of almost 5 years, and checked in. She tells me she loves me everytime we hang up on the phone or see each other in person.

That means so much.

My mother and Elizabeth are two of my best friends.

My niece's eyes light up when she sees me. She runs towards me, screams "AUNTY DESI!" and hugs me.

My pets ALL sleep on the bed with me at night.

I have had some friends for over 25 years.

These are all reflections I have written in my journal.

I am no saint. I never asked to be and I never will be. I have done things I regret in life, but that is just it ---- I regret the things I have done that may have hurt others. I have been blessed to be surrounded by people who love me so much (and vice versa) that forgiveness is as easy as breathing.

As my therapist says, "You are an honest person D.S."

You know what?

I am.