For my Aunty Rosie

 FOR AUNTY ROSIE

My aunt Rose. My great aunt Rose to be more precise, was such a poignant structure in my life. I was lucky to have her around for 25 years of my 35 years here on earth.


I tend to think about her a lot this time of year. As a matter of fact, this morning I had a very vivid dream of her. That always startles me but also makes me feel like she is still connected to me.


Some people are lucky to have 2 sets of grandparents and enough aunts, uncles and cousins that they lose count.





Growing up I was only close to one of my grandparents, my mom's mother, Bambina Montanro. I loved her very much, but, unfortunately she passed away when I was 8 years old.



I was always more close to my mom's side of the family which is small. My mom's side of the family is full of "artsy" people. Think musicians, dancers, actors and artists. We are also VERY gay friendly, accepting, non-judgemental and purty darn silly! ;)



I loved/love my family.



Most of the family members I was close to growing up have either passed away, moved away or drifted apart. We do, however, keep in touch via Facebook and I know we'd have each other's back in a heartbeat.


I also look forward to Xmas Eve, a time when the remaining parts of my "small" family come together. It has been awhile since I have taken part in that (2006/2007 was my last time), but I am looking forward to it this year.



Back to my aunt Rose.



My aunt Rose was not only my aunt - she was also like a 2nd mom, grandmother and best friend rolled into one.



She babysat me and my brother many, many times growing up, and when my mom went back to college, when I was 11/12 years old -- I practically lived over my aunt Rose's house.

 

Many night we would sit in front of the TV, watch the 6 PM news and then (gulp) Lawrence Welk (shutty! lol) --- It would be my aunt Rose, Uncle Frank and myself. My cousin Matthew would often be around as well. He is closer to my mom's age (mid 50's).



Anyway, I LOVED spending time with aunty Rose and uncle Frank! They would talk back and forth in Italian and you could just FEEL the love they still had for each other.

They were such great role models. Even if they had issues, I never picked up on them as a child. What I felt in their presence was love, laughter and a sense of calm/peace.


My aunt would usually make some sort of pasta and serve it with the most delicious salad and Italian bread. Yum. Sometimes we would take a walk to the corner cafe, Small World, to meet up with some of her friends for "coffee and dessert". I would take everyone's order and then go up to the counter, feeling like a "grown up" and place the order for them.



I loved those women as much as they loved me.



I would play music on the jukebox, sit back and listen to all of their conversations. I was such an "old lady" with them. It was great! ;D


My aunt Rose and I could sit and talk (nonstop) for hours. She was an amazing listener and never really had anything bad to say about someone. Even if she could, she chose not to. I learned a lot from her.



She was the one that got me my first subscriptions to '17 Magazine', 'Lucky' etc., --- all those "girly" magazines that were SO fun to read (especially when there was an article about -- hehehe - homosexuality).





She showed me how to style my hair, put makeup on (shuuuuuut up - lol), clean, cook, do laundry and --- pray. She was very religious but not in a freaky-cult-like-way. In a more spiritual-love-everyone type way.



I remember prints of Mary up in her bedroom. I remember Rosary Beads hanging over her bedpost and I remember going to church with her on Sunday.



What I learned most of all from her (and my uncle Frank) was this:



NEVER DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.


NEVER TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE ELSE.


ALWAYS ACT CLASSY (yes, there is a classy way not to "take shit" from someone...lol).


My aunt taught me about compassion, empathy and doing for others.


She would call me ONCE A DAY just to say, "I love you." Of course she would always ask how I was and was always willing and ready to listen to me if I "felt sick" or "sad" about something. Without fail, I always - ALWAYS felt better when I got off the phone with her or after a visit.





I felt my aunt's love.


She would call to make sure I had "enough ____insert here _____" of whatever. For example, if I felt sick she would always make sure I had juice around or soup.


She would make sure I had a heavy winter jacket or was "bundled up" enough when I went outside.


She would always make sure I had "a couple of dollars" on me just in case of an emergency.

 

She would always tell me how "beautiful" I was or "how special" I was.

 

Things kids my age NEED to hear.


Things that SHAPE a person into who they become.


As I grew older we just got closer and closer. I would take my aunt shopping, we'd go out to eat, we'd just go everywhere together. It was always me, my mom and aunt.


During the last year of her life she moved into the apt in my mom's house on Federal Street. Too long of a story to get into.


I can tell you this. My aunt passed away with very little material possessions. The things you think will matter to you -- don't in the end. She lived a very full, happy, fun life --- but when she moved in the apt above us, she took so little with her. As long as she had her dog, slippers, cozy nightgowns, magazines/books, reading glasses and food....she was happy. She had her TV, recliner and that was pretty much it. She could've had more, but this is all she needed. Her # 1 concern was always her son. Again, too long of a story to get into.


I remember one of the last conversations my aunt & I had prior to her last weeks of life. We were sitting in the living room area in the apt above from me and looking out into the back yard. She told me she was "tired" and she said she "just wanted everyone to be happy" and "learn to live life without her." She also said she was happy that I had "someone like April in my life" (meaning - someone solid, good, kind and nurturing to me). I remember thinking I didn't have many more of these type conversations left with her.


A couple of weeks later I was by her bedside, holding her hand, painfully aware of the warmth and life still pulsating through her. She held my hand in her right hand and my mothers in her left. She couldn't talk at this point but she gripped our hands hard and gave us both a look of unconditional love. I told her that "I loved her and I would be okay and not to ever worry about me." I told her that "she would always be with me and a part of who I am." I also joked with her (of course) and told her "not to haunt me"....lol. She smiled.


I was a wreck during this point in my life -- physically and emotionally. I just wasn't living the life I was meant to. I wasn't happy to my core. You could see it in pictures from that time frame. I suffered with anxiety attacks a lot during this time and I thought for sure, when I lost my aunt, I would take it VERY hard, but you know what?



I didn't.


I felt peace.


I know what it is like to lose someone with no regrets.


I know I loved my aunt Rose with everything in me. I respected her every second she was in my life. I valued her and, most importantly, I showed this to her. I vocalized it. She knew and could feel my love for her, as I could hers.


The morning of the day my aunt passed away, my mother and Elizabeth had gone to see her. She wasn't doing well at all and I had a bad night and did not want to see her in that condition that morning. I mentally couldn't handle it. Knowing my mother was at the hospital, I called her (I knew she always kept her cell phone on...shh....lol). She picked it up....thank God. I asked her to put the phone next to my aunt's ear.


I told my aunt over and over (and over) how much I loved her and how "okay" I would be because of her. I told her it was okay and that I wanted her to be at peace. I had this habit of always saying "see you later" to her, but this time, I said "goodbye, I love you."


Well...


My aunt hadn't spoken a single word in days because of the toxin build up in her body and all the meds she was on.....after I said, "goodbye, I love you."


I heard her say, "And I love you too."


It was the last words I, or anyone, would ever hear from her again.


She passed away that night.

 Since my aunts passing I have asked for "signs" from her. The year of her passing I specifically asked to find an old card that she gave me in some random place, out of the blue --- that day.


I found one.


Out of the blue.


The day I requested it.


Not only that, I had a vivid dream of her handing me a Christmas Card with a huge smile on her face and asking, "Is this what you wanted?" She was surrounded by bright light...and...yeah....well....it was cool.


She is and always will be with me.



We have this tradition we do each day before Christmas Eve. We go to an Italian restaurant called Marchetti's in Cranston, RI. We would go with my aunt every year and watch her eat this Italian seafood dish the size of her head! LOL! She would usually eat 1% and bring the rest home to her son, but it was adorable to see her get so excited over it. Since her passing we have carried on this tradition with the people who have been in our lives. I am looking forward to honoring her this year as well.


Simple and silly....just as she would've liked it! ;)


I would give anything for one of those simple phone calls from my aunt Rose.


I'd pick up the phone and I would hear her sing, "I just called to say I love you" (as she often did...) and then she would ask me how I was doing/feeling, we'd make plans to see each other and I would hang up with a smile. Feel warm and loved.



That is one phone call I would always answer.


I love you, Aunty Rose.


XOXOXOXOXO