Do Not Take My Photo (Please).

On this Christmas Eve I am stirring with things to write about. I am dying to blog about why a healthy dose of jealousy (on both parts) is actually a GOOD thing in a relationship AND why I hate photos being taken of me so much.


Hmm....let's go with option two which will be quicker to explain! ;)

PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY PHOTO!

I hate having people taking photos of me, but I love taking photos of others AND myself.


Why do I hate when people take photos of me?


Simple answer: My breasts dominate most shots I am not in control of. It has been this way regardless of my weight, so it is NOT a weight thing. I know my size and I am fine with a size 12, but I will never be fine with the way my chest appears in photos.


I am a tomboy. I would prefer a much smaller chest. With that said I do not hate my breasts and feel sexy when my cleavage is showing.


I loath side shots of me because all I focus on is the way my breasts look.


Most people with a camera take side shots or shots when either your eyes are closed or you are doing a weird "chin thing" (c'mon we all know about the "weird chin thing" - lol).


I love taking photos of people because I try with everything in me to take flattering shots. I would never post a shot of someone on Facebook (or anywhere) where I thought there was even the slightest possibility of them not liking it (and if they don't like it I take it down right away).


If I wasn't in the travel field I would either be a life coach, meteorologist or.....photographer. I have a cheap $99 camera and have no real training except for a photography class I took in high school.I don't know any technical terms, but I do like to think I know what LOOKS GOOD. Whether it is a scenery shot or shot of a person.
Most people who take photos --- take photos for the memory and don't even think for a second how a person may have come out in the photo (except themselves, of course - lol).


Some people photograph very well from EVERY angel ---- I do not. At least this is how I have always felt.


ANYWHO ---

With that said, I LOVE TAKING PHOTOS OF MYSELF (or people/pets/places) I love. Why???? I take photos of myself NOT because I am conceited (couldn't be further from the truth) or love looking at myself (lol - yeah - no), but because I can have FULL CREATIVE CONTROL and it is another way for me to be creative AND monitor my weight.
I do not use scales. I have never owned a scale. I will never own a scale. I have a scale phobia because a.) I have known way too many people with eating disorders and have seen the torment a scale can cause and b.) If I am feeling good about myself and get on a scale and see I gained a pound or two, I, like everyone else, would instantly feel awful.


Nope --- I take photos.


I know my face/upper part of the body VERY WELL. I can tell when I have gained and/or lost (luckily I am on the losing part these days - lol).


I also like trying out different positions and editing options. I feel most comfortable doing this with photos of myself or people really close to me.

SELF ESTEEM: Growing up I was teased a lot about break-outs that would occur or my "tom boyish appearance". This caused me to be very judgemental of my looks. When you have cruel things said to you as a child or teen from peers (or strangers), it sticks with you --- even as an adult. I have gotten MUCH better and my self esteem is healthy and normal, but I still like to monitor my appearance at all times. I take pride in trying to keep myself well taken care of. Photos allow me the opportunity to step back, observe and see how "I am doing".

EGO BOOST: Unfortunately most people aren't easy with the compliments, pat on the back or "shot in the arm" ego boost. I remember Adam Lambert (from American Idol) said how he never liked the way he looked as a kid/teenager and was made fun of a lot. Because of this he had low self esteem growing up. As an adult he feeds off of the feedback from his fans when he is on stage -- not because he is conceited, but because his ego/self esteem was so bruised. I can relate to this. I could (usually) care less what people think of me and how I live my life. I know I am a good, honest person and I go to bed with a clear conscience at night, HOWEVER, my "image ego" and maybe the "musician" and "performer" in me, DOES require people's approval as far as appearance goes. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. I am just being honest. Plus, who doesn't like feeling like someone genuinely finds them attractive, right? :) Be honest. It feels SO good.

SO YEAH, PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY PHOTO - LOL!!!

With that said, I truly wish there was a way to make sure people never took unwanted or unapproved photos of me. I know this is impossible, especially with all of the places I have been going and Facebook. I know I will see side shots of my breasts and will be making "the chin face" and will have my self esteem/ego kicked in the gut when this happens.

But in the meantime I will remember what I truly look like....by the photos I take.