Letter to my Ex

You have been on my mind a lot lately. It is as simple or as complicated as that.

It has been almost a year since you broke my heart but I am at a place, and have been for quite some time, of forgiveness toward you. I don't, nor will I ever, hate you. I just can't. I saw parts of you that maybe no one else ever will. I don't know. Through all the ups and downs I remember the good times. The laughter. The silliness. Encouragement. Ego boosts. Compliments. I know what we had was real. It was love. For whatever reason you were not happy and wanted to move on, away from me and my family. I don't think I will ever understand the why, but I respect it. Everyone has the right to be happy. If that is what it took for you to be happy, than I accept it. The universe seems to have had other things in store for me as well.

I have never experienced a breakup like this before. The loss of someone I truly loved in every sense. It hurt and at times, it still hurts. I have learned to let go of the pain that caused so many uncalled for arguments and stupid disagreements. What I will never let go of is the happiness our relationship brought me. The confidence you brought to me and hopefully I to you. I remember you saying how you felt motivated around me, well, I felt the same way around you - just so you know.

This is the hardest situation I have ever been faced with. Such confusion. Such pain. Those emotions far exceed the anger. Maybe friends and family will never understand that, but it's the truth. I have always been concerned about your well being. I will always be concerned about your well being. My concern and care will never disappear. If it did how could I say I was ever in love with you? All I want is for you to find health, emotionally/physically --- and pure joy, happiness and contentment. I want you to be treated beautifully, like I am being treated.

Never think for one moment I hate you or that I would never forgive you, because I would never think or feel those things. Maybe it would be easier if I did, but I can't and I won't. I try and make sense of things that happened, especially things this summer, but then I stop.......and I realize as long as I know the truth, that is all that matters and deep down inside, I know you know the truth too.

Life is just so weird, isn't it? We don't ask for the issues we are dealt with....we just try and survive them, any way we know how. I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve and realize that I was never your enemy and would never be, because I have found peace and healing.

I don't know. I just felt the need to write this. I have contacts with all my ex's except you and maybe that is because it is easy to be in touch with them because the debt of what I had with them will never match the debt of what you and I had. Maybe it just is and will always be too painful to be friends.

I hope life is being kind to you.