Healthy Jealousy Exists!

Jealousy

Jealousy is usally associated with something negative. Rightfully so because most times it is.


To be envious or enraged over something or someone is a scary emotion especially if you are the object of such envy and rage.


But, small doses of jealousy can also be......sexy.


I have never been a jealous person as far as materialistic items go.


I have always trusted my partners.


I never look at someone and feel anger for their good fortune.


In relationships I know what it is like to be with a partner that points out people looking at you with almost a proud smile and pat on the back to being in a relationship where my partner threatened physical harm (usually in a joking/silly manor) on anyone that slightly came across as flirtatious.


Both of these are wrong and unhealthy, but somewhere in between is something VERY healthy and, in my opinion, needed in a sustaining relationship.


There have been several times in my life where I have been courted or was the object of someone's "crush". Even if the feelings weren't reciprocated on my part, it sure felt GOOD knowing someone was attracted to me both on the inside and out. Male and female and I, like everyone else, have also had my fair share of crushes. Some reciprocated and some not.


When you are in a relationship with someone where there is mutual attraction and chemistry it is the best feeling in the world. What could be better than knowing someone desires you and feels grateful to have you in their life?


All too often, as the years go by, and the relationship loses it's "newness" we start to take each other for granted. We think, "They'll never leave me." -- blah, blah, blah. When this happens the romance dies, sex often disappears and once "hot" lovers turn into best friends or worse.....siblings (yuck).


Don't get me wrong! There is something extremely beautiful about familiarity and reaching that comfort point with your partner where you know you are loved and accepted regardless of, well, anything.


HOWEVER.....


It is also during this transition when people start "getting the itch" and "wandering eye". Why? Because they are no longer getting the attention from their partner they once were.


Some people are okay with the monotony and almost prefer it, I, however, and many others....am not.


There is a quote I can't quite remember but it is along the lines of:


"Find the person who is afraid of losing you and reminds you how lucky they are to have you each day."



This doesn't mean, LIVING IN FEAR YOUR PARTNER IS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU (double yuck), this means having someone who never takes you for granted and helps "keep the fire burning."


How does this happen?


Mostly with TRUST, of course and.......a healthy dose of jealousy, which, if expressed correctly can be quite sexy.


When I say a healthy dose of jealousy can be healthy I do NOT mean:



* Jealous of one's friends.






* Jealous of one's job.






* Jealous of one's relationship with their parents.






* Jealous of one's achievements.






* Jealous of one's appearance.






....NOTHING like that.


What I DO mean is:





* A sense of that person "belonging" to you (i.e. "my ____insert partner's name here____") -- Feeling like that person is "all yours" can be quite sexy.


* Sensing the other person's need for attention and always meeting that need --- can be sexy.


* Knowing that regardless of any sort of advances by strangers that the person is completely faithful and "yours".......is sexy.


* Knowing that your partner desires you and finds you attractive and appreciates what they have and vice versa....is sexy.



* Knowing that you are your partner's type and vice versa and reminding them of this -- is sexy.





Do you follow me? :)



We all want to feel "claimed" in a sense. We are want to "mark our territory". It is our primal instinct and that rush of knowing something I have claimed feels the same toward me is quite the turn on.


When I feel like I am not the object of desire --- it is a turn off. Not that I need 24/7 attention, but in a relationship, for the chemistry to last, you need a never ending supply of "ego booster" from your partner, at least I do, If I am being honest here.






There is no bigger turn off than fawning over someone else.






There is no bigger turn off than ignoring me.






There is no bigger turn off than not expressing your emotions to me.






There is no bigger turn off than acting as if "nothing bothers you" as far as other people go.






I need the fire, the passion, the desire, that excitement.






I've had healthy doses of "jealousy" in previous relationships and it did wonders for the chemistry and physical aspect but jealousy has a FINE LINE that must never be crossed. The second "healthy jealousy" turns to "envy and rage".......well.......game over.






Think of it this way.....






Every "wife" still wants to know her "husband" finds her attractive and not the "bimbo" on TV -- UNLESS the "husband" points out something in this "bimbo" that reminds him of his "wife" ----- then the "wife" might look at the "bimbo" differently --- hence, a little "spice" added to the marriage. Maybe the woman on TV looks like the "man's wife" but is wearing something a bit more risque. That could be the "husband's" way of hinting to his wife, "honey, you would look good in that" ------ Just making a point here.

THE HEALTHY THING TO SAY WOULD BE:


"See that woman on TV? You remind me of her. You would look even more beautiful in that outfit than she does."


That would be the CORRECT way to get your point accross.


BAD WAY: "Damn, that woman is hot. Wish you would wear something like that for me!"






YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Unless you are comparing someone to your partner, keep your goddamn mouth shut! ;)






Do you think your husband wants to hear how "hot" you find Brad Pitt? Especially if he has a beer gut, gray hair and is balding?????






Shutty the mouthy.






STROKE YOUR PARTNER'S EGO and I assure you, your relationship will not only last but keep its FIRE and passion.






We all want to be reminded that we are coveted!!






We all want to be reminded that we are VALUED, APPRECIATED, RESPECTED -- DESIRED.






If YOU don't provide this to your partner than that means:






A.) You really don't care if they cheat on you, lead a double life or will eventually file for divorce.


B.) You yourself are over the relationship completely and ready to move on.






It is human nature to seek out what we need for survival.






For me? Love comes above EVERYTHING else.






Not just friendship/comfortable love --- PASSIONATE love.






I have a feeling I am finally with the right person! ;)






I will NEVER stop reminding her how much I love and desire her.






So go ahead, stroke your partner's ego tonight......get a'lil jealous! ;)