I think it is time for a little Melanie tribute! ;)

I love you honey and I thank God for you each day of my life. You are my truest sense of joy and the thing I am most thankful for.

Love,

Des

Too funny...

Click on image to read captions better

I had to post this! My ex's new partner, Pepper, is an artist and designed the front of their annual egg nog party invite. How funny?? I guess you have to know them, but TRUST ME, she got April's festiveness down 100%!! LOL! April is like Mrs. (lesbian) Claus! :) I love the expression on Pepper's face and the cats in the background. THIS IS WHAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE ALL ABOUT! Having fun with each other. Starting traditions. Cooking and baking together. Having friends and family over. Spiking the egg nog. Getting your cats off the trees. Ya know, the usual! ;)

-Des

On a lighter note...

My ex, April, who is now one of my best friends, knows I am feeling ill so she sent me a virtual flamenco dance. Why you may ask? Well, because for whatever reason it makes me LAUGH HARD! April use to do this crazy flamenco dance whenever I was sick and for some strange reason it use to help.

Everyone needs a little flamenco in their lives!

More on yesterday's blog...

As I sit hear and wait for my Dr. to call with my blood work results confirming that I either have or (hopefully) don't have H. Pylori (don't ask - Mel has this stomach infection and it is contagious through saliva - yah - need I say more - I feel like a burning flame of indigestion - loooovely - lol) it dawned on me that my last blog may have come across as not understanding to people who are on a constant quest to be thin. I need to reiterate.

I completely sympathize with people struggling to lose weight. It just drives me crazy how we (women especially) feed into society's views of what a "nice body" should look like. It seems like every woman is struggling to lose that 10-20+ pounds to get down to a 2 or 4. Why? Do you honestly find this more attractive? Maybe I am the nutcase? I wouldn't be surprised! :) I just find a shapely body more healthy and just as beautiful. If I had a genie bottle and was told I could make my body any weight with just one rub (and for a 5'5 / 5'6 I should be no more than 133 pounds to be considered "healthy"), I would choose 160-165 pounds. This would make me a size 10'ish I believe. I honestly (may I have H-Pylori for the rest of my life) would NOT want to be smaller. At one point I was around 150 pounds and looked sickly. HOW CAN SOCIETY THINK THIS LOOKS BETTER??????????? How can people think those young women in Hollywood look sexy? I mean look at them??? They are skeletal. They all look like 10 year old boys, less the long hair and make-up. Where are the shapes? Then you get women like Kelly Clarkson, Jordan Spark, Kate Winslet and even someone like Rachael Ray and everyone (meaning the media) say they are overweight! LOL! REALLY? I mean c'mon? Does Star Jones REALLY look BETTER NOW? We all remember the Jennifer Love Hewett story. And what do these women do? Conform! Conform! Conform! Again, maybe I AM THE CRAZY one? It seems like most women agree with the "need to be skinny" mentality. Either that or I am one of the lucky ones that don't suffer from that constant voice telling me I am not good enough. I don't know. Don't get me wrong. Society has creeped into my thought process to some point. My brain has been slightly attacked. Case in point. Two years ago I was able to look at myself in the mirror at a size 12/14 and not feel unsatisfied. Now when I look in the mirror at a size 12 I find I judge myself, to some extent. I HATE IT! I try to shut the voice up but it is hard. I do sympathize.


With all that said, it is brave to talk about the obsession and need to lose weight. It is a thought process disease. If we could only re-train our brains. Sigh.

To prove my point I am posting picture of Jordan Sparks and the Olson Twins.

You tell me...

What looks better to you?

What is it that I am missing???? Why do so many women suffer with this disease? It is so, so sad if you ask me!

Another example:

Again, what looks better? Do Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks look BAD because they have "extra" weight on them? They look pretty healthy to me. Then you have Kiera Knightly and ??? Do women really think this looks good and Trisha Yearwood looks bad??

Don't feed into society's views! Love yourself the way you are! Be good to yourself. Your body. We are all beautiful and let me just say -- I have nothing against healthy, skinny bodies! My partner is a very healthy size, skinny even, and I think she is gorgeous. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the way we THINK of our bodies and how they SHOULD be that drives me crazy.

I need an antacid....lol! ;)

-Des

Just shut up and eat, please!

First let me say I love, love, love Minivan Mom's blog (http://www.morethanaminivanmom.com). I have been reading it for well over a year and agree with a lot of what she writes about. I do have to say, however, that today's posting (Nov 19, 2008) just made me, well, a mix of sad and mad. If I hear one more woman complain about her body I think I am going to lose my mind. Maybe this is because I am more of a tomboyish lesbian who finds curves and an ACTUAL WOMENLY shape sexy or maybe it is because I am "Italian" and genuinely LOVE to eat. I am not talking obsessively. I am talking about the dining out or cooking experience. The sitting around the table and enjoying the meal part while socializing. I am not a "foodie", just a simple woman that doesn't fear eating. I am concerned about my health and watch what I eat to the best of my ability without losing my mind and I even exercise. Maybe not like the average person who is "INTO" exercising, but I try and do my part. Stay somewhat active and workout. This, if nothing else, allows me to enjoy food and maintain my weight.
What is it that drives me so completely INSANE about women complaining about their bodies and their quest to be thin? Maybe it is simply because I don't understand it. I don't know. I wasn't brought up in a family or around friends that judged you based on weight. My family always made me feel beautiful "the way I am". My friends, although many going through their own eating disorders, always made me feel good about myself. My first girlfriend was a severe bulimic. I remember it got to the point where she would throw-up even a hand full of cheese puffs. I would sit in her bedroom horrified, sad and angry. Angry that she felt the need and desire to do this. Sad that her surroundings supported it (judgemental parents/friends) and horrified at what it was doing to her physically and mentally. I was never a super thin girl but I was always never super fat either (I did have a period in my 20's of being overweight, a size 16/18, but even though I wanted to lose the weight I never beat myself up over it).

It seems as if all of my other friends suffered with either anorexia or bulimia. My best friends all had eating disorders. I was constantly surrounded by people with one form of an eating disorder. My mother was always overweight until recently and my partner of 10 years was, medically speaking, obese (also until recently).

The thing is I found each and every one of my partners, friends and family members sincerely BEAUTIFUL. Inside AND out. Truth be told I would look at super skinny girls (and guys) and cringe! I remember having a super skinny friend who I was afraid to hug because I felt like I would break her. She looked like an 8 year old boy and she was 18! She wasn't bulimic or anorexic, just really, really skinny. I would look at super skinny people and feel bad for them. To me THEY looked unhealthy. Stressed. Sad. This is how my partners looked. How my close friends looked. No one was ever HAPPY and skinny. They were STRESSED, SICK and, sure, skinny. Woo-hoo. The few people I knew that were an average or slightly above average weight were HAPPY. Always smiling, laughing, eating, RELAXED.

Yes it is true. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It just blows my mind the number of women who feel they are fat. Even at 5'9 and 150 pounds. It makes me INSANE. Literally.

The other night my partner Melanie and I were at the gym. It was roughly 7:30pm. I usually go during the morning or early afternoon when there is a nice mix of ages and people genuinely trying to stay in shape or get in better shape. The environment was COMPLETELY different at night. True, no one bothered me. Yes, no one was rude or anything, but the environment represented EVERYTHING I AM AGAINST. It was like I was surrounded by complete narcissism. Guys flexing in the mirror every 5 seconds. Women who should be GAINING weight trying to lose more. Breasts hanging out. Muscles bulging out. People making flirty eyes at each other. It was like they were telling each other, I am beautiful - you are beautiful - lets hook up and do, um, beautiful things together. I hated it. I didn't see one AVERAGE sized person there, okay maybe a couple, but not ONE really overweight person. Nope. Probably for this very reason. I saw mostly women (who I am sure have eating disorders) feeding into their disease and men who probably have zero self-confidence making love to themselves in the mirror. Yuck. Am I being judgemental? NO! Honestly. I am sure these people are very nice. This is just what my observations were and my interpretation. If you want to call me judgemental, fine. But I truly am not.

What I have personally witnessed in my life is that skinny people (not all, but a lot), have this sense of superiority over what society (and Dr's) consider "overweight" people. This makes the majority of them arrogant, self-absorbed, narcissistic and to me - extremely ugly. They almost look down on the average or plus sized person. But what I have also witnessed is that average sized/plus-sized people are more laid back, kindhearted, giving, fun and genuinely happy. It is like they are just happy to have people be nice to them because they are use to the opposite. Maybe that "happy fat girl" saying is true. Hey, I'd rather be a HAPPY FAT GIRL any day thank you very much. Key word? Happy.

Most skinny people I am around COMPLAIN about one thing or another all the time. They are always talking about what they CAN'T eat or what they need to do to LOSE what they ate. They are always concerned with their looks. Does this make me look fat? Always looking in the mirror. Always judging themselves. Judging. Judging. Judging. And what does this do? It trickles down to the people around them. Moms? you do this to your children. Girls? You do this to your friends. Wives? You do this to your spouse. It takes a very strong person to NOT get an eating disorder in today's society since we are constantly surrounded by it. I am sick of it.

On the flip side it is no different than an overweight person pushing food on a healthy weight person. This drives me crazy too. Food is tempting. You have to respect peoples boundaries. Moms? You are making your kids overweight. They can't buy the food they want at the market, at school or in restaurants. That is your choice. Ladies? You don't have to binge eat and temp your friends to join you. Wives? You should always think of your spouse when cooking or making dining choices. There should always be something that they will like.

I know I am using "women" as the main focus here, but the same applies to guys as well.

Grrr, this all just makes me so frustrated.

Ladies, you were given a womanly shape because you are women. T & A are GOOD! Unless you WANT to look like a guy (and well, a'hem, I wouldn't mind some aspects, but that's another issue...lol). Please FUCK the BMI index. PLEASE! That is just ---- CRAZY. It will make everyone look sickly and truth be told, make everyone cranky and probably get an eating disorder.

I am not saying go out and eat an entire pizza or chocolate cake. Heck no. I'd like to live to an ripe old age. But I am saying it is OKAY to accept yourself as you are and endulge once and awhile.

Size 2 is no better than 12. Size 12 is no better than size 28.

You aren't prettier or sexier at a 2. You aren't gross and disgusting as a size 28.

You want to be a beautiful person? Love yourself. Love your body. Be happy. Don't base your self worth on the size of your waist. Your breast size. How flat your stomach is.
I mean just typing that seems stupid!

Base your worth on how much love you give out. What you give back to the world. How much kindness. How much joy. How good you are to others. How happy you make those around you. How happy you are inside. That is the TRUE WORTH OF A PERSON. Not their pant size.

And moms, friends, wives, dads, brothers, family members --- SHUT THE FUCK UP. I mean it. Keep your fucking, judgemental, holier than thou, mean ass comments about YOUR or anybody else's body to yourself! You are adding to the chain of bulimics, anorexics and overeaters by being so judgemental. Teach your children to love themselves the way they are. Regardless of size. Teach them to EAT HEALTHY and LIVE HEALTHY but don't base any of that on their BODY IMAGE. I mean c'mon!? You are all suppose to be these smart, intelligent people and yet you act so CRAZY when it comes to appearance. As if a size 4 will make you a better person. WTF????? Are we that stupid????? You may have a Masters Degree, but what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck?????

I am not a scholar and I am not the world's best writer - far from it...lol. I am just trying to get my point across!

WE ARE ALL EQUAL. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL and yet society makes it seem as if looking like a bone is BEST and if you have any meat on your body you are WEAK or UGLY.

HOW SAD and STUPID! Think about it.

Skinny isn't better.
Fat isn't bad.

Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I encourage you all to bask in the JOY and FUN of this holiday. It is FUN to get involved in the meal. To eat the meal and not think about puking it out or running it off. Thanksgiving is a warm holiday. It is a holiday full of love. Cooking for someone is a sign of love. Love yourselves. Eat. Be happy. If only for one day. The gym isn't going anywhere. You aren't going to change. So be like us "average" folks. Enjoy the food. Don't beat yourself up.

And the next time you feel the need to attack your body or looks. Pay close attention to the people around you. Do you want to say this out loud? Will this possibly effect the people in your presence? Might you put the wrong idea in someone's head? Could your actions/words cause someone else to judge themselves in a negative way? STOP. THINK. If you want to torture yourself, well, I unfortunately can't stop you. But please, don't plant MORE words into minds of those around you. We all have to live on this planet and this planet feeds us ENOUGH negativity. You are paying the price now. Do you want to ADD to that? Do you want someone else to develop a negative perception about their body??

Seriously. Think about what you are putting out to the world on this topic. We are all beautiful. We are all special. No one is BETTER than anyone.

Wives? You were proposed to. You are going to get married regardless of the size of your dress. Stop killing yourselves.
We are constantly bombarded with how "bad" certain foods are for us and lack of exercise and we have no choice but to hear and learn from this. But we aren't taught that being TOO skinny and judgemental on your body is causing a chain reaction of severe proportions to (mostly) women everywhere. This very second someone is considering bulimia. Anorexia. Overeating. STOP IT, PLEASE. Don't add to this mess.

If only we could all live and treat each other with this basic principal. Maybe, just maybe there would be happier (full) people in the world.

-Des

Iceland Trip January 2009

It is official! I am going to Iceland! Land of fire & ice! My mother and I decided over the weekend to go on this adventure together January 10-15, 2009. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am. I have wanted to visit Iceland for almost a decade. It has been a dream of mine to witness the Northern Lights. Although they aren't guaranteed, January is one of the best times to be in Iceland to try and witness them.

ICELAND FACTS 101:

• In a single day you can walk on a glacier, drive by fjords, see icebergs, lava fields, geysers, waterfalls, swim in outdoor thermal pools, dine at a 5-star restaurant, dance at a (gay) nightclub, check out museums, art galleries, cafes, shop at a huge mall and my favorite (if lucky enough) see The Northern Lights!

• Iceland is the cleanest, safest country in the world. Reports also show that people who live in Iceland are the happiest and healthiest. They don't have a military base or any sort of organized army, like the Navy. As a matter of fact, since it is considered the most peaceful country in the world, Yoko Ono recently built a monument called, The Imagine Peace Tower, in honor of her late husband, John Lennon. The Imagine Peace Tower is a short tower with the words “Imagine Peace” inscribed in many languages from which emanates an immensely bright light pointing upwards which can be seen for many miles. The light is intended so shine each year from 9th October (Lennon’s birthday), to 8th December (the day he was assassinated).

• Iceland is the leading country - in the world - for clean air and the environment.

• There are no highways in Iceland. There is one major road that takes you around the entire country.

• Iceland is roughly the size of Ohio

• Iceland is not covered entirely in ice! Iceland is more green than Greenland and Greenland is more icy that Iceland.

• Iceland is home of the midnight sun. In the summer the sun never sets. It is sunny 24 hours. In the winter Iceland gets, on average, 4-6 hours of sunlight.

• The best time to view The Northern Lights is between November and March.

• Iceland is a short 4 to 4 1/2 hour, nonstop flight from Boston and less than 5 hours from New York and Baltimore. Icelandair also has regular flights from Orlando, Minneapolis and San Francisco.

• The average January temperature in Iceland is actually higher than those in New york.

• One of the top sports has an added flair in winter - swimming in a geothermally-heated outdoor pool in a blizzard!

• Iceland has a great cultural front as well including theaters, opera, symphony orchestra and a variety of musical events. There are also an international mix of art galleries and museums.

• Iceland's capital is Reykjavik (means SMOKEY BAY). It is the world's northernmost capital city. The best way to get to know the capital city is to take to the streets. The city center is remarkably compact and the efficient public bus system can quickly shuttle you around for sites a little farther away.

• Glaciers cover one-ninth of Iceland's land surface. Vatnajokull, at 3,300 square miles, is the largest glacier in Europe.

• Iceland's interior has magical moonlike landscapes. So much so NASA trained there before sending the Apollo to the moon in 1969!

• Be sure to take the elevator to the top of the imposing Hallgrimskirkja Church for an incredible view of Reykjavik, or explore the colorful neighborhoods of Thingholt and Vesturbaer.

• Iceland is known for having some of the world's freshest seafood and lamb. The Icelandic specialties include locally grown vegetables, game and ocean-fresh fish.

• Reykjavik is renowned as one of Europe's hottest nightspots, where the action in the friendly pubs and nightlife scene lasts right through the night.

• Reykajavik is one of the most gay friendly cities in all of Europe.

• Reykajavik boasts two large indoor shopping malls, Kringlan and Smaralind, as well as a pedestrian friendly shopping district in the city center, Laugavegur, a mile-long shopping street. The mall selection is diverse with designer labels, both American and European. Kringlan is located within walking distance of several of the city's main hotels. It is easily accessible by bus from the old city center and has ample free parking. Smaraland is in the town of Kopavogur, a short bus ride from the city center. It also has the city's largest movie complex (all movies are shown in their original language with subtitles in Icelandic).

• Icelanders have a great deal of affection for their atmospheric "old city center", which in addition to top-of-the-line stores, has a great number of excellent cafes, restaurants and bars. Starting at the top of Laugavegur (Reykjavik''s main shopping street, which is one mile long) and making your way westward, you will find a number of exclusive boutiques and fashion stores.

• Hafnarfjordur, a town down the road from Reykjavik, offers tourists offbeat attractions - including Viking feasts and even elf-spotting tours.

• Iceland's highest peak is 6,500 feet.

• Iceland has the largest glaciers in Europe. 11% of the country is covered by glaciers.

• Iceland's coastline is dotted with more than one hundred fjords.

• Iceland has over 20 active volcano's.

• Iceland has more than 10,000 waterfalls and countless hot springs.

• A large portion of Iceland is uninhabitable, with moss-covered rocks of ancient lava flows and tall treeless mountains, but these moonscapes are perfect for exploring this other-worldly looking place.

• The Icelanders still speak the language of the Vikings (Old Norse, now called Icelandic), however the majority of people also speak English.

• Iceland has a population of 300,000 and more than half live in the greater Reykjavik area.

• Some Icelandic "goodies" include Icelandic chocolate, licorice (or the popular chocolate-licorice combo!), Opal candies and snudur (frosting covered pastries). If you are visiting during the holidays be sure to pick up some jolaol (orange soda mixed with malt), some laufabraud, the fried flat bread of the season and when you're in town, don't forget to try a traditional hot dog with all the fixins' and some delicious soft ice cream.

• Coffee house culture is quite popular in Iceland. Most offer free wi-fi, free refills and a healthy supply of newspapers and magazines.

• There are over 170 restaurants in the greater Reykjavik area. Fruits and vegetables are grown organically in greenhouses and meat and dairy products are free of additives and growth hormones.

• The Icelandic nightlife needs to be seen to be believed. Locals dress to the nines - such classy wear is not a requirement for tourists - and head out in droves to the latest dance clubs, tiny music venues, and pubs.

• One of Iceland's top tourist attractions is The Blue Lagoon Geothermal Destination Spa.

• Iceland is a European island midway between North America and mainland Europe.

• Iceland's main airport, Keflavik International Airport, is 30 miles from Reykjavik.

• How should you dress? Dress much the way you would in New York City in the fall, winter and spring. In summer, carry a light, and preferably water-resistant, jacket. The weather can be extremely changeable. Always bring a bathing suit. Yes, a bathing suit! Icelanders' favorite pastime year-round is outdoor swimming in the countless geothermally-heated pools and lagoons, which are as warm as bathwater.

• What are the people like? Icelanders are descended from both the Vikings and the Celts, so while there are many blond, blue-eyed locals, there are also many with brown eyes and red or dark brown hair. Icelanders have a reputation as being a beautiful people. An Icelander has been crowned Miss World three times, the most of any country. The Icelanders are often reserved and stoic, sometimes even appearing shy at first. But they are proud of their country and very welcoming to visitors from all over the world.

• What is the currency? Iceland's currency is the krona (ISK). You can get money out of local ATMS or exchange money easily at the airport. Credit cards are accepted virtually everywhere.

• Will my cell phone work in Iceland? Most North American cell phones won't work, but you can rent phones in Iceland. To call home: 1) Dial the AT&T access number in Iceland; 00 800-222-55-288. 2) Then dial the phone number you're calling including area code 3) Wait for a prompt then enter your AT&T calling card number and 4-digit pin.

• Iceland's country code is +354. If you are calling Iceland from the United States, dial 011 to get an international line, then 354 and the 7-digit phone number.

GORGEOUS ICELAND PHOTOS

-Des

Would you like to be my friend??

Hello? Is anyone out there? I am in DESEPERATE need of some new friends. Ugh. What is a 32 year old woman to do? I work from home which has its ups and downs and one of the downs is that I don't get to meet new people. I pretty much socialize with the clients I am working on travel quotes for, vendors and my pets. I am losing my mind people..lol! I am in a relationship so its not like I can go to clubs and bars or even social web sites where most people are only looking to hook-up. There are MEET-UP groups I could join but all the good ones are in the Boston area and seem to already have their "clique" of people.

I am rather shy. But I'm not. But I am. But I'm really not...lol. Maybe at first. I do much better one-on-one or in small groups at first, but once I relax I am a total nut! LOL! I am just so lonely. I only get to see my two closest friends on occasion as one has a baby, husband and full-time job and the other lives in Chelsea, MA and has a full work schedule. Me? I am lucky to have flexibility with my schedule. Being the owner of your own business allows you that perk, but it sure does get lonely. It's not like I belong to a "mommy socialize" group (don't have kids yet) or anything like that.

My partner? She is finishing up her last year of college (we have a 10 year age difference) and has her own completely different world there and is into riding horses, activism and working out a lot and unfortunately I am not into any of those "that" much. I am lucky if I get to spend an hour or two with her at most each night (excluding the weekends) and even when we are together she is usually working on some paper or thinking about some paper or doing something with paper. Um? I don't know.

What is a girl to do? :( I need human connection!

When I tell you I am theeeeeeee most easy going, laid back person, I sincerely mean that. I am all about being kind to each other, relaxing, having fun, deep conversations and most importantly - LAUGHING! I love to be silly (nothing shocks me...NOTHING..lol) and enjoy the simple things. Lunch out? Sure! Errand run to Walmart? Why not! Catch a movie? YES, PLEASE! Take a drive down by the water? I'm already in the car. Bookstores? Check! Music stores? Check! Casino run? Oh yeah! Play some guitar? OMG, YEEEEEEEES! Heck, even art galleries and museums interest me. I can spend hours at a cafe just talking or relaxing. I just don't like doing these things by myself. Sure, I could and I have, but I REALLY prefer the company of others. I would even cook for my new friends! :)

Interests? Travel, road trips, playing guitar, writing music, photography, cooking, dining out, movies, concerts, talking/laughing and just having fun and enjoying the company of the person/people I am with. I probably watch the same shows you do, listen to the same music and shop at the same stores - trust me.

I hope blogging will introduce me to new people from around the world, hopefully some right here in New England (Rhode Island anyone?) and yes, I have been lucky to "meet" several great people who I am sure when and if we meet would hit it off big time, but I am looking for that one (or two, or three etc.,) special friends that are here - right now - and need a friend as bad as I do. I don't bite, honestly! :)

Help a girl out! Even if you think we seem WAY TOO DIFFERENT, please, all I ask is you don't judge a book by its cover. Even though I am a tomboy and blah, blah, blah I am quite girly as well, very versatile and game for anything. Get to know me! E-mail me at travlgrrl@aol.com or right here on this blog.

This is a cry for help, okay maybe not THAT desperate....yeah right, who am I kidding??? YES, THAT DESPERATE!!!!! I need new friends! Gay, straight, in between...lol...it doesn't matter. Nice? Well, that helps.

I am THIS close to forming the Lonely Work at Home Women's Club for other women in my position, but maybe, just maybe this blog will help me.

Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is a new FRIEND

Love, Des

Travel Blog

For anyone who is interested I run another blog at http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/Travelgirl. This is my official TRAVEL BLOG. I have been running this since 2005. To say alot has changed in my life since then is an understatement! :)

Quite interesting!

-Des

Some of my favorite photos of Mel & I

I want to share some photos of Melanie & I. This is what romantic love looks like between two women. Tell me, how could this be wrong?



Love is love.

-Des

Everyone, please watch this video!

Bravo is all I can say in regard to this. Please listen to the entire message and I do mean listen.



-Des

What a difference a week makes!

Beside the fact that we have a new, amazing president of the United (yet still considerably homophobic) States there are bigger issues to be had at the moment.


My gender queer issue. Or better yet - my friggin beard.


Last week:


This week:

LOL! It took me 1/2 the time to get ready last Friday. Ugh. Being a girl is soooo hard. You have to be all groomed and lotioned and blah, blah, blah. Pluck, pluck, pluck. Shave, foliate etc.,

I think I should have "dress like a boy Fridays" here at home!? Hmm.

Does anyone else feel like death btw? I have some mysterious cold that makes me feel like 28 DAYS LATER.

Dear Lord! ;) ;)

-Des

Melanie is making me blush!

My Melanie started a new blog and I believe it's primary goal is to make me blush! LOL! It sure is sweet and much appreciated. I am so lucky to have a love like this.

http://feministabolitionist.blogspot.com/

I love you honey! xoxoxoxoxo

Also, let me just say how happy and proud I am of our new president, Barack Obama! I was completely moved and for the first time, in a looooooong time, feel hopeful that change is possible.

I am very saddened by the votes in CA, AZ, AR and FL to ban gay marriage / adoption.

::sigh::

At least CT and MA are still humane, but to think we live in a country where basic rights aren't given to every human being is heartbreaking. I can't even get into it now. Not enough time. Grrrr.

I asked Melanie on Tuesday night if we would ever see the day an openly gay man or woman is president and she said, "Sure, give it 50 years!" :( If That.

Until next time...

-Des

VOTE!

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

(In all my Rhode Island accent glory)

"Friggin get out there and VOTE!!!!"

Go on...scoot....GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

;) ;) ;)

-Des

I is stupid sometimes (lol)

Random thoughts.

Stupidest moment of my life (thus far):

Year: 1997. Age: 21. I was visiting Canada (Mont Tremblant) for the first time. I noticed they had all their Christmas lights and displays still up (it was the end of January). These decorations weren't some dinky, crappy, crap. They were the type that would even impress a blind Scrooge. Simply amazing. I innocently asked the French Canadian man walking us to the log cabin we had rented when Canadians, um, celebrated Christmas. Yup. SHUT-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! I still cringe. I immediately felt like an idiot. It was quicker than immediately. It was the second the last word finished coming out of my mouth. The .... Chist...mas part. April (my ex) looked at me with that 1/2 horrified / 1/2 amused glaze and laughed. The gentleman looked at me like I was a STUPID AMERICAN, smirked and sarcastically said, "The same as you." Single most stupid thing I....EVER.....DID.

Runner up: I was at a popular local steakhouse called Bugaboo Creek. It was my first time there with April. Maybe 8 years ago. They have this HUGE bison head on the wall that talks and welcomes you to the steakhouse. We were looking around and admiring the decor (we both loved / love log cabins) and all the taxidermy animals (poor bastards). All of a sudden the bison started to speak and I looked at April, very seriously, and said, "Hmm, I don't think that is real." AGAIN, SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! LOL! How could I get A's and B's in school, run a business and come out with stupid shit like that??? She still teases me about that. Ugh.

I have no problem laughing at myself. None at all.

Completely random thought (as if what I just posted wasn't random enough)....

I would give anything to have a wood-burning fireplace in our living room. Nothing says fall / winter like the smell of wood burning, sitting on the coach, sipping hot chocolate and watching TV. I LOVE THE FALL. I love the first snowfall and BIG snowstorms. Sure, by the end of January I am wishing I was in the Caribbean, but during November & December I say, BRING IT ON!

Someone in the neighborhood must have a fireplace because the smell of burning wood is permeating the air right now. That or my house may be on fire?

Crap.

-Des

Meet My Alter Ego. Confession from a Tomboy.

So I was doing a lot of thinking last night. I am still not over how much fun I had dressing in drag on Halloween. I can't believe 32 years had gone by and I had never purposely dressed as a guy before. Maybe this is because I am ALWAYS a tomboy and dressing more "girly" is weird for me? All I know is that I really liked how I felt. I don't want anyone to think I am having a breakdown...lol...so allow me to explain. I am 99.9% positive I am "gender queer". Seriously. Again, this is different than being transgender. I don't want or need a sex change to feel whole. I sincerely like my women parts. Sure I wish I had smaller breasts, was taller and had more of a boyish shape, but what is underneath my clothes is just fine with me! :) On the outside? Well, that is ANOTHER story.

Everyday I have to deal with the fact that I am not like other girls. I am not shaped like the average girl. My skin isn't like the average girl. My hair isn't like the average girl. My style is definitely not like the average girl. On a daily basis I have to worry about things such as shaving, coverup makeup and fix even the slightest bit of facial hair. Truth be told, it's TIRING. I definitely have more male hormones than female. One look at my face and you can see that. Look at my Melanie and then look at me. We are both Italian. I joke and say she is the "girl" and I am the "boy" --- because our skin / hair is soooo different.
Sigh...lol.

Halloween was SO great for me because a.) I didn't have to worry about "girly" makeup, b.) I didn't have to be so fanatical about facial hair and c.) I was able to express my inner boy.

I was happy to look in the mirror. I was happy to groom myself for the day. I was excited. I liked what I saw.

I know I want and NEED to explore this more. I joked with Melanie last night about joining a male drag group to express my creative side and she almost killed me. I can see her point. I wouldn't want her in some femme show strutting her stuff....with a bunch of tomboyish/butchy/gender queer women looking at her. So here is my goal. I am going to form a music group with other gender queer women here in the New England area. Something that will set us apart from everyone else. A group where we can be ourselves, express it through music and have FUN. If there are any other gender queer women out there, please contact me at

travlgrrl@aol.com. I am located in Rhode Island. I am looking to play Southern-rock, country, folk, rock etc., (think the Ditty Bops, Indigo Girls, Girlyman, Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, 3 Doors Down, Dierks Bently, Brad Paisley, Toby Keith, Jimmy Buffett, etc.,)

THE ALTER EGO
I also came to a VERY SERIOUS conclusion that I have an alter ego. I NEED this alter ego. It makes me feel good.

For the first time I am going to share with you the me I envision in my mind. My fantasy. My alter ego. There is the me everyone knows, Desiree, and then the me I so wish I could be --- ON THE OUTSIDE ONLY ---- LOL! Not underneath the clothes!!! RELAX!!! LOL! Just on the outside. I can't stress this enough. When I look at this guy, I see myself. The next time I dress up like a guy, THIS is the look, the alter ego, I will be portraying. If I was in a drag group, THIS is who I would be. THIS type man. THIS type style. When I start my gender queer music group, THIS is the type male I will put forth. I will dress like THIS. Facial hair and all.

I can only hope that IF I was born a male, THIS is who I would look like.

Drum roll please...

;) ;) ;)

EMILE HIRSCH

Why? His style. His hair. His personality. His movie choices. His character in (my favorite movie ever) INTO THE WILD. When I express my boy side, THIS is who I want to be. If I could look like any guy on the outside THIS is who I would want to look like. He is what I would consider a "soft" guy. No big muscles. No "hard" face. Very soft, almost feminine. Yup. This is my alter ego everybody. LOL. For those who know me you may recognize my style is somewhat similar already.

The squirrel? Well, enough said.

Thoughts?

-Des