This Story Needs to be Told - Heartache Sucks!

What a difference a year makes. Sometimes I can't believe where I am and the road I seem to be on. Am I really this loved? Am I really this happy? Is my business really thriving? Am I really blessed enough to review such fantastic places and travel as much as I do? Did I really get engaged at The Ice Hotel in Quebec, Canada?

Engaged. Wow.

A year ago, this day, I thought I was with the woman I would be with forever. I was blind to the poor treatment I was receiving. Okay. Maybe not so blind, but hopeful that it would change. Hopeful that this person truly DID love me and wanted to make things right and couldn't imagine their life without me.

I had lost the light in my eyes. My spark and enthusiasm for the things I loved were all but forgotten. My word revolved around whether or not this would be the day my partner would break up with me. Would this be another day of hearing, "I don't love you!" or "I love you, I can't be held responsible for the way I am feeling right now!" --- I never knew if I would hear, "I don't want this to be my life!" or "I hate you!" or "Your opinion means nothing to me!" mixed with a bit of "I need your approval!" and "I will always be here for you!" and "I love you so much!"

Sigh. Wow.

This story needs to be told.

I remember the morning I left for a review on the island of Martha's Vineyard with my "moms" and niece, being kissed on the forehead by my ex and told, "I love you."

All was well with the world, I thought.

She loved me.

I was getting ready to travel with my family.

Work was going well.

Things were great -- even if they weren't --- they were in that moment.

That was a Tuesday. For the two days I was gone May 24-26th, my ex and I spoke on the phone and via texts. There were "I love you's" and "I miss you's" and "The pets are okay!" and "When are you coming home honey's" blah, blah, blah......

The morning of May 26th I woke up with a heavy feeling. I was use to speaking to my ex every night when we were apart and I hadn't heard from her since the night before around 5:30pm, which was odd. Sometimes you just KNOW. The universe speaks to you and I just had this heavy, bad feeling that something was going to happen.

I called my ex who had me on speaker phone which was odd in itself. She asked me when I would be home - I said by suppertime cheerfully. I said, "I love you!" and almost in a mocking tone she said, "I love you toooo!" - click -

Weird heavy feeling.

It was an overcast, cloudy, cool day.

I was in the car with my family about the board the ferry back home to Rhode Island when I received a text message. It was just before 11:30am on May 26th.

The text started with: "Desiree, I love you so much but....."

You know when they say you go NUMB. Voices seem far away. Nothing feels real. That is how I felt at this moment. It was as if I was on laughing gas, but not laughing - at all.

I handed the phone to my mother and said, "Mel broke up with me."

I can still see the look on her face. The crushing look of sadness only a loving mother could have for her child's pain. I looked in the back seat at Elizabeth's face which was a look of shock, disgust, anger and sadness. I then looked down at my niece....my innocent niece, which I thought my ex truly loved, and realized just how little she meant to her.

I then thought about the pets and how little they must have meant to her too.

Even though we adopted a cat together, well, that cat wasn't even a brief thought to her.

I knew INSTANTLY who she was involved with. Call it intuition or just having eyes wide opened.

I remember thinking that I couldn't believe she did this to me a.) via text and b.) while I was away from home - my comfort zone - and about to get on a boat.

My entire world changed in that moment. Almost 5 years -- gone.

I was in complete fear, heartbreak and sadness.

Shock? Nope.

I knew she would do this to me eventually. Deep down inside, I knew.

During the next 3 months I suffered greatly. Mostly from having my world turned upside down and arriving home to incense, candles, the front porch light on and other "personal artifacts" left out. Enough said.

So many other details could be shared, but I am better than that -- so I won't delve deeper.

I made videos recording my progress and when I look back at it now, I just shake my head in disgust.

One night that sticks out is my birthday. I was sure, if nothing else, my ex would at least wish me a happy birthday. After all, it had only been a week since we had broken up and I had handled it quite well up until this point. But no. No text message. Nothing. I was easily forgotten.

I sat at Cappy's in downtown Camden, Maine with my family (I was there reviewing a property). There were ugly fish hanging up on the wall. A moose head. Sports memorabilia. Loud locals. Xmas lights. You know, a typical, fun, weird local hotspot. I sat there, eyes swollen from crying. No appetite. I sat there still numb, celebrating my 35th birthday. I remember wondering how someone who claimed to have loved you so much could treat you so badly. I couldn't treat a stranger this way. It made no sense.

I sat there and said to "the mamas" how I was "suppose to be engaged by this time next year."

My mom looked at me and said, "You don't know, you still very well may be." I looked at her as if she had Donald Trump's haircut and rolled my eyes. The pain was almost unbearable.

The summer was full of me going to Colt State Park with my dog, Reed. We would walk and walk and sit out in the warm sunshine where I would read self-help books. I would visit a therapist once a week and my psychic every 2-3 weeks. I would lose myself in Jersey Housewives, Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures and the Weather Channel. My friends and family were there for me 24/7. 

This is how I healed.

My therapist helped me most of all. She introduced me to Borderline Personality Disorder which I believe my ex may be dealing with. It all started to make sense. There was never anything I could've done, or could do. This wasn't about me at all. I WAS a good partner. I DID love her with everything in me. It just wasn't enough or comfortable for her. I get it.

Also during this time I had profiles on every single's web site out there. I figured, if for nothing else, to make friends. I went on one date and talked to several different woman before meeting the person the universe had in store for me.....Jennifer. 

I saw her profile on match.com and was struck by how adorable she was AND how KIND she seemed. One of her quotes read: "Enjoy life that's all that matters." Her brother, who died of cancer the previous summer, had said this. It hit a chord deep inside of me. I knew I had to contact her.

The weird thing is, my amazing psychic, Liz, had told me months earlier:

"You are going to meet a woman with medium length, dark brown hair. She will have dark eyes and have a slight problem with her hip. She will seem very familiar and treat you the way you deserve to be treated....and I am sorry to say it, but she will be another Virgo!"

I remember thinking, YEAH RIGHT! ;)

Then here comes Jennifer. Matched the description perfectly.

Every. Last. Part. Of. It.

It still blows my mind.

Another thing I want to mention is that during this time I was being harassed by emails from my ex and her new "friend". The emails were horrific and full of lies and with each word read the knife went deeper into my heart and the breakup mattered less and less -- it was now the betrayal and lies that hurt more than anything. In a way, these emails helped me heal because I saw, in a different light, just what my ex truly was capable of. The cruelty, lies and manipulation.

It got so bad I had to go to the police and file a report. I showed them every email/text I had and let them listen to voice mails.

They were amazed at how WELL I had behaved, all things considered. I told them the things I had said that I wasn't proud of, and they kind laughed and said "I was too nice."

Yup.

If nothing else the Warren Police dept knows the true story of what is going on.

I even said I would take a lie detector test. My character means everything to me.

Anyway -

Back to Jennifer.

Jen gave full control to me, and after the relationship I had been in, I needed it.

By her giving me full control, it made me open myself to her more and fall in love.

Sometimes it feels like a whirlwind, our relationship.

I can't believe it has only been 7 months and we are already engaged, planning our first road trip, have families that love each other, have done tones of traveling, have had surreal experiences and are each other's best friend. Truly - BEST FRIEND. A best friend that is so similar to me, it's scary! Not to mention our chemistry is off the charts! ;)

Jennifer DOES treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

She respects me. She values me. She looks at me with love in her eyes.

She loves me just the way I am, as I love her.

She gets my humor. She loves the same style I do.

We love antique shopping and horror movies.

We love decorating the house in a funky/cool theme.

We love driving around with the music blasting.

We love playing pool together and snuggling on the couch.

We love going for walks, the gym and bike riding.

She loves my niece as much as I do.

She loves my mamas.

She loves Reed and the cats just like I love her cat.

She does things without me having to ask or remind her.

She writes poems and sweet letters for me.

She is the femme yin to by tomboy yang!

She has the most amazing family.

We share the same goals and outlook on life.

We are just a perfect match, in every way.

She doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

She would never swear or yell at me.

She would never disrespect me or my family.

She would never be mean to the pets.

She would never abandon us.

She makes me feel like the most attractive person in the world.

She allows me to be myself - TRULY be myself.

There is no better feeling in the world.

No better feeling in the world.

None.

So, as I sit here roughly a month away from the day my "life changed", I no longer thing back on May 26th as a bad thing. I think of it as a wonderful, fantastic thing. The beginning to the life I was meant to live. The love I was meant to find. The person I was led to -- someone who truly appreciates my love and the lifestyle I provide for us.

Tomorrow we have a meeting with our wedding planner for our Dec 30, 2012 wedding.

Maybe my mother wished for this very thing last year on my birthday. Kindness and love for her daughter. She knew what she was talking about when she said, "You very well could be engaged by this time next year."

She was right.