Just shut up and eat, please!

First let me say I love, love, love Minivan Mom's blog (http://www.morethanaminivanmom.com). I have been reading it for well over a year and agree with a lot of what she writes about. I do have to say, however, that today's posting (Nov 19, 2008) just made me, well, a mix of sad and mad. If I hear one more woman complain about her body I think I am going to lose my mind. Maybe this is because I am more of a tomboyish lesbian who finds curves and an ACTUAL WOMENLY shape sexy or maybe it is because I am "Italian" and genuinely LOVE to eat. I am not talking obsessively. I am talking about the dining out or cooking experience. The sitting around the table and enjoying the meal part while socializing. I am not a "foodie", just a simple woman that doesn't fear eating. I am concerned about my health and watch what I eat to the best of my ability without losing my mind and I even exercise. Maybe not like the average person who is "INTO" exercising, but I try and do my part. Stay somewhat active and workout. This, if nothing else, allows me to enjoy food and maintain my weight.
What is it that drives me so completely INSANE about women complaining about their bodies and their quest to be thin? Maybe it is simply because I don't understand it. I don't know. I wasn't brought up in a family or around friends that judged you based on weight. My family always made me feel beautiful "the way I am". My friends, although many going through their own eating disorders, always made me feel good about myself. My first girlfriend was a severe bulimic. I remember it got to the point where she would throw-up even a hand full of cheese puffs. I would sit in her bedroom horrified, sad and angry. Angry that she felt the need and desire to do this. Sad that her surroundings supported it (judgemental parents/friends) and horrified at what it was doing to her physically and mentally. I was never a super thin girl but I was always never super fat either (I did have a period in my 20's of being overweight, a size 16/18, but even though I wanted to lose the weight I never beat myself up over it).

It seems as if all of my other friends suffered with either anorexia or bulimia. My best friends all had eating disorders. I was constantly surrounded by people with one form of an eating disorder. My mother was always overweight until recently and my partner of 10 years was, medically speaking, obese (also until recently).

The thing is I found each and every one of my partners, friends and family members sincerely BEAUTIFUL. Inside AND out. Truth be told I would look at super skinny girls (and guys) and cringe! I remember having a super skinny friend who I was afraid to hug because I felt like I would break her. She looked like an 8 year old boy and she was 18! She wasn't bulimic or anorexic, just really, really skinny. I would look at super skinny people and feel bad for them. To me THEY looked unhealthy. Stressed. Sad. This is how my partners looked. How my close friends looked. No one was ever HAPPY and skinny. They were STRESSED, SICK and, sure, skinny. Woo-hoo. The few people I knew that were an average or slightly above average weight were HAPPY. Always smiling, laughing, eating, RELAXED.

Yes it is true. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It just blows my mind the number of women who feel they are fat. Even at 5'9 and 150 pounds. It makes me INSANE. Literally.

The other night my partner Melanie and I were at the gym. It was roughly 7:30pm. I usually go during the morning or early afternoon when there is a nice mix of ages and people genuinely trying to stay in shape or get in better shape. The environment was COMPLETELY different at night. True, no one bothered me. Yes, no one was rude or anything, but the environment represented EVERYTHING I AM AGAINST. It was like I was surrounded by complete narcissism. Guys flexing in the mirror every 5 seconds. Women who should be GAINING weight trying to lose more. Breasts hanging out. Muscles bulging out. People making flirty eyes at each other. It was like they were telling each other, I am beautiful - you are beautiful - lets hook up and do, um, beautiful things together. I hated it. I didn't see one AVERAGE sized person there, okay maybe a couple, but not ONE really overweight person. Nope. Probably for this very reason. I saw mostly women (who I am sure have eating disorders) feeding into their disease and men who probably have zero self-confidence making love to themselves in the mirror. Yuck. Am I being judgemental? NO! Honestly. I am sure these people are very nice. This is just what my observations were and my interpretation. If you want to call me judgemental, fine. But I truly am not.

What I have personally witnessed in my life is that skinny people (not all, but a lot), have this sense of superiority over what society (and Dr's) consider "overweight" people. This makes the majority of them arrogant, self-absorbed, narcissistic and to me - extremely ugly. They almost look down on the average or plus sized person. But what I have also witnessed is that average sized/plus-sized people are more laid back, kindhearted, giving, fun and genuinely happy. It is like they are just happy to have people be nice to them because they are use to the opposite. Maybe that "happy fat girl" saying is true. Hey, I'd rather be a HAPPY FAT GIRL any day thank you very much. Key word? Happy.

Most skinny people I am around COMPLAIN about one thing or another all the time. They are always talking about what they CAN'T eat or what they need to do to LOSE what they ate. They are always concerned with their looks. Does this make me look fat? Always looking in the mirror. Always judging themselves. Judging. Judging. Judging. And what does this do? It trickles down to the people around them. Moms? you do this to your children. Girls? You do this to your friends. Wives? You do this to your spouse. It takes a very strong person to NOT get an eating disorder in today's society since we are constantly surrounded by it. I am sick of it.

On the flip side it is no different than an overweight person pushing food on a healthy weight person. This drives me crazy too. Food is tempting. You have to respect peoples boundaries. Moms? You are making your kids overweight. They can't buy the food they want at the market, at school or in restaurants. That is your choice. Ladies? You don't have to binge eat and temp your friends to join you. Wives? You should always think of your spouse when cooking or making dining choices. There should always be something that they will like.

I know I am using "women" as the main focus here, but the same applies to guys as well.

Grrr, this all just makes me so frustrated.

Ladies, you were given a womanly shape because you are women. T & A are GOOD! Unless you WANT to look like a guy (and well, a'hem, I wouldn't mind some aspects, but that's another issue...lol). Please FUCK the BMI index. PLEASE! That is just ---- CRAZY. It will make everyone look sickly and truth be told, make everyone cranky and probably get an eating disorder.

I am not saying go out and eat an entire pizza or chocolate cake. Heck no. I'd like to live to an ripe old age. But I am saying it is OKAY to accept yourself as you are and endulge once and awhile.

Size 2 is no better than 12. Size 12 is no better than size 28.

You aren't prettier or sexier at a 2. You aren't gross and disgusting as a size 28.

You want to be a beautiful person? Love yourself. Love your body. Be happy. Don't base your self worth on the size of your waist. Your breast size. How flat your stomach is.
I mean just typing that seems stupid!

Base your worth on how much love you give out. What you give back to the world. How much kindness. How much joy. How good you are to others. How happy you make those around you. How happy you are inside. That is the TRUE WORTH OF A PERSON. Not their pant size.

And moms, friends, wives, dads, brothers, family members --- SHUT THE FUCK UP. I mean it. Keep your fucking, judgemental, holier than thou, mean ass comments about YOUR or anybody else's body to yourself! You are adding to the chain of bulimics, anorexics and overeaters by being so judgemental. Teach your children to love themselves the way they are. Regardless of size. Teach them to EAT HEALTHY and LIVE HEALTHY but don't base any of that on their BODY IMAGE. I mean c'mon!? You are all suppose to be these smart, intelligent people and yet you act so CRAZY when it comes to appearance. As if a size 4 will make you a better person. WTF????? Are we that stupid????? You may have a Masters Degree, but what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck?????

I am not a scholar and I am not the world's best writer - far from it...lol. I am just trying to get my point across!

WE ARE ALL EQUAL. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL and yet society makes it seem as if looking like a bone is BEST and if you have any meat on your body you are WEAK or UGLY.

HOW SAD and STUPID! Think about it.

Skinny isn't better.
Fat isn't bad.

Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I encourage you all to bask in the JOY and FUN of this holiday. It is FUN to get involved in the meal. To eat the meal and not think about puking it out or running it off. Thanksgiving is a warm holiday. It is a holiday full of love. Cooking for someone is a sign of love. Love yourselves. Eat. Be happy. If only for one day. The gym isn't going anywhere. You aren't going to change. So be like us "average" folks. Enjoy the food. Don't beat yourself up.

And the next time you feel the need to attack your body or looks. Pay close attention to the people around you. Do you want to say this out loud? Will this possibly effect the people in your presence? Might you put the wrong idea in someone's head? Could your actions/words cause someone else to judge themselves in a negative way? STOP. THINK. If you want to torture yourself, well, I unfortunately can't stop you. But please, don't plant MORE words into minds of those around you. We all have to live on this planet and this planet feeds us ENOUGH negativity. You are paying the price now. Do you want to ADD to that? Do you want someone else to develop a negative perception about their body??

Seriously. Think about what you are putting out to the world on this topic. We are all beautiful. We are all special. No one is BETTER than anyone.

Wives? You were proposed to. You are going to get married regardless of the size of your dress. Stop killing yourselves.
We are constantly bombarded with how "bad" certain foods are for us and lack of exercise and we have no choice but to hear and learn from this. But we aren't taught that being TOO skinny and judgemental on your body is causing a chain reaction of severe proportions to (mostly) women everywhere. This very second someone is considering bulimia. Anorexia. Overeating. STOP IT, PLEASE. Don't add to this mess.

If only we could all live and treat each other with this basic principal. Maybe, just maybe there would be happier (full) people in the world.

-Des