Random Thoughts

Ah, what is it about the sweat, nausea, muscle aches and fast beating heart that makes a good work-out feel good? I mean generally if you feel this way it means you have the flu. But yeah, it feels good. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill alternating between walking and running (at one point I was running at 3.4 mph which is amazing for myself). I also did some push-ups, sit-ups and weights. I am determined to lose these last 20'ish pounds and get the "rocking" / gay boy type body I've always wanted. With boobs no less, but it's attainable. Even if I have that type body for a year...lol...because I am 99.9% sure my "set weight" is a size 12/14 and I am truly okay with that. I am a solid 12 now and l truly enjoy eating - not obsessively but I like to go out an eat and (look of surprise) cook. I do watch what I eat. I am as healthy as I could be with my IBS -- so I shouldn't complain, but I owe it to myself to get the type body I always envisioned having and being so close it would be a shame not to.

Although all you people in "blog land" let me just say, for the record, I much prefer a shapely body with "meat" to skin and bones. This is something I have been passionate about since a child. You shouldn't judge your self worth by your waist. Some people like more solid/full figured women and others like skinny / athletic women. I always notice a person's inside first. I could give two shits about what their outer appearance looks like and the older I get the more this is true. You could have a beautiful face and "slamming body" in societies eyes but be the biggest asshole that walks this earth and all that would = ZERO in my book. On the flip-side you could be a very large person with a personality that makes you the most beautiful person in the world. I am not saying that if you are a very big person you have to go by "personality only" -- no way. Not to me. I always thought women were attractive in all shapes and sizes. My ex was a size 26/28 (she is now a 16/18) and my current partner, Melanie, is a size 6. I think that says it all.

Weight means nothing to me as far as attraction goes. So why do I want a gay boyish type body? Hmm. Because I am a tomboy and that is how I envision myself. I don't want to be transgendered, I like being a girl, it's just I identify more with a tomboyish look and to get the exact "style" I see in my mind I need to be slightly skinnier. If I never reach this goal, I don't care - but I am in the mood to try! :-) I am sick at looking of pictures of myself, from the side, and feeling I look too cheeky or "breasty". It doesn't match up with that tomboyish image I have of myself. You know what I mean?

Speaking of Tomboyish.....

I made this list of what a "Girly Tomboy" is a couple of years ago. Allow me to share it with you all.

What is a GIRLY TomBOY? (copywrite: desiree sousa 2006)

-A GIRLY TomBOY is a girl that has long enough hair so that it still has a "feminine" style to it.

-A GIRLY TomBOY walks into J.Crew, Banana Republic or Guess and "ooh's & aahs" over the pink guy shirts, guy shirts with flowers and girly (yet male) jewelry. Think gay boy fashion.

-A GIRLY TomBOY love jeans. She must have jeans. Not just any -- the latest, most expensive, in-style jeans.

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves clunky shoes. The clunkier...the funkier!

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves converse sneakers -- in every color.

-A GIRLY TomBOY loves big, bulky "boyfriend" type sweaters she can lend her "girlfriend".

-A GIRLY TomBOY is VERY fashion conscious.

-A GIRLY TomBOY gets "shy" going into Victoria Secrets - but "secretly" loves it (for one reason or another).

-A GIRLY TomBOY gets "shy" going into places like Bath & Body Works -- but secretly loves it.

-A GIRLY TomBOY may (or may not) wear some sort of makeup. Cover-up? Blush? Lip Balm - but NEVER - EVER lip stick. Think drag.

-A GIRLY TomBOY likes mens cologne - only if it has a femine twinge to it (i.e. Polo "Blue")

-A GIRLY TomBOY can still "gush" over how cute guys are (usually ones they admire). If a girly tomboy is on the more "girly" side she can actually develop a crush on a guy. A very real crush - only to find out it is admiration. Kinda like a straight girl having a crush on one of her friends.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is afraid of bugs -- so much so they scream like sissy's whenever they see one (and wake their partner up at 3am to kill it...a' hem).

-A GIRLY TomBOY is afraid of bees -- so much so they run like sissy's and make up vulgar words that don't even exist.

-A GIRLY TomBOY does not know how to fix a car. At all.

-A GIRLY TomBOY will puff out her feathers (i.e. chest) if one of her family members or friends are being hurt by someone. This is when their FULL EXTENT of tomboy will service and they will do anything to protect the person even though inside, they may be scared as hell!!

-A GIRLY TomBOY seems to always fall for straight girls (at one point or another).

-A GIRLY TomBOY is attracted to feminine girls - only.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has the tendency to confuse her straight friends and make them question their bi-curious state of mind.

-A GIRLY TomBOY can resemble many of her straight girlfriend's boyfriends. Usually the hair. It always comes back to the hair people.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has a girly voice. Usually soft. No gruffness.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has no shame watching a sappy, romantic movie.... but prefers a silly horror movie or comedy.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is not afraid to cry or express emotions.

-A GIRLY TomBOY is not afraid to make a complete goof out of themselves.

-A GIRLY TomBOY confuses the straight guys. A lot.

-A GIRLY TomBOY does not wear "wife-beaters", shorts past the knees, white socks with sneakers (gym is the only exception), lots of "bling" and rub their chin a lot.

-A GIRLY TomBOY make great partners because they are into "girly" things, yet have a tomBOYish style and soft (yet not too soft) feminine attitude and like to be more of the aggressor in the relationship.

-A GIRLY TomBOY has low tolerance for extremes (i.e. men-hating or women-hating people).

How do I know all this? Hmm....trust me! ;-)

That is kinda funny to read at this point. It's SO TRUE.

I am happy to report that, as a girly tomboy, I have hit the jackpot with my partner Melanie. See, Melanie is the most feminine woman on earth, however she has a cute tomboyish side as well. I love it. And a bonus? She is NOT, I repeat, NOT bisexual. She is a 100% femmo lesbo.

My Melanie, the Femmo Lesbo - woah.

Anywho,
This was just a random blog - but back to work I go!

I am leaving you with an adorable video I found that some kid made for the song "Wrong Directions" by Billy Currington. For some reason this reminds me of the whole tomboy and femme thing. I got a kick out of it - very cute.




Peace,

Des